Mom, your mental health matters! So many of us are in similar situations right now amidst the pandemic, but at the same time, each of our situations is unique as well. We are living a paradox of the greatest and weirdest degree right now. And in the midst of all the chaos, pandemonium, hysteria, and legitimate worry are our children—taking their cues from us. If ever there was a time for self-care, it’s now! Self-care may look different than usual though, with very few options of getting out. We need to look at self-care a little differently during quarantine, but it is an important part of becoming a better mom–quarantine or not!
My children are used to being home with each other, but they’re not used to being anti-social; not having any activities to go to; etc. And just like I’m sure it is in your home, it’s taking its toll on their moods…and mine!
Yesterday, when I was frustrated with my son’s behavior, I said, “You’re grounded.” He was truly not being disrespectful when he replied with, “From what?” He was legitimately asking because it’s really hard to take away a completely non-existent social life! And then it hit me: This entire shelter-in-place order must feel like punishment to our teens! It is literally what we use to discipline them—nation-wide grounding–and in this case, they haven’t done anything wrong!
So, while I have been trying to keep a positive tone around our home for my children, filling their days with fun and different activities; I have missed opportunities to support my kids while they are going through this, mostly because I am exhausted by all of this too!
Your presence, outlook, and overall demeanor makes a huge difference to your kids. So, how do you do that well?
First of all, you’ve heard it a million times, but you can’t care for others effectively if you do not practice self-care, especially during quarantine! You can’t help your children stay mentally healthy if you are not mentally healthy. They need you to be all sorts of extra right now—and extra cranky is not something they need!
Five Tips for Self-Care During Quarantine:
- Implement Quiet Time—If you haven’t already, this is a MUST! There is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting your children to play quietly in their rooms for an hour. My son was under two years old when we started quiet time and though it took a bit of training, it was worth the investment! Sometimes, when I needed uninterrupted time, I gave each of my children four quarters. If they needed to interrupt me, they had to give me a quarter. They got to keep whatever was left at the end of the designated time. Yes, essentially, I paid my kids to babysit themselves, and it worked pretty well! You need this time EVERY.SINGLE.DAY that you are home during the stay-at-home orders.
- Work Out—This will make a world of difference! Exercising is what gives me the physical energy I need to get through the day. My girls work out with me in the morning, which boosts their moods too. We don’t overdo it. Usually, it’s only 10-15 minutes of working out, but it sure helps keep off the Quarantine Fifteen and keeps mama happier! Do not skip this! Doing it is not easy initially. Getting started is the mental battle, so start small! Even five minutes is enough to start! Once you add it as part of your routine, you will be amazed at how much this boosts your productivity.
- Get Outside—This is one I’m still not doing well with. It’s still cold (and wet) here! My children get outside to play, but it’s much less often for me. This is one of my goals though. I know that getting outside to play with my children more often would do great things for our mental health. The giggles that erupt from being chased by a parent are too often taken for granted and missed out on by this inside-loving mom!
- Pray—I could not get through this time if I were not taking time to pray. Even though I know this, I still skip it sometimes, like a total idiot! In case you’re wondering how I stay focused to pray, I’ll let you know my secret. I just write out my prayer like a letter—even signing and dating it. One day, I hope those prayer journals (there are a LOT) will be a blessing to my children. After I’m gone, they’ll get to know my heart deeply and hopefully, will share the faith that is recorded in those journals. It is also one of the most powerful tools to build your faith because when you can look back at your prayers and see God’s faithfulness, it is truly amazing!
- Do Something Silly—Being silly with my kids is what saves my mental health regularly. As moms, we have a lot of things that we have to let roll and sometimes that’s not easy. When I am in a very difficult stage of parenting, I sing…a lot! I make up really bad raps, hilarious lyrics (that don’t even rhyme sometimes) to familiar tunes, and bust out lots of dance moves. Of course, my teenagers are way too cool to participate, but the smiles creep up on them and they have to work hard not to laugh sometimes.
My oldest son and I actually had a mild argument set to the tune of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” this winter. If you’re curious, it went like this. He had been taking gum without asking. It’s not a huge deal, but it’s just considerate to ask. Plus, it frustrated me every time I wanted a piece and there was none. So, I had already told him to ask before he took some. One day, I got in the car to bring him to school and he was helping himself to my gum without asking. Instead of yelling, I started singing:
Your father will be suspicious; Your mother’s about to roar;
Without missing a beat, he jumped in on the duet part and sang (in full Sinatra style): But oh your gum is so delicious; and really, you could probably just buy more.
And I couldn’t do anything else, but crack up! Well played, son. Well played.
My daughter is always game to be silly and her smile could light up a room! Listening to her giggle or laugh and shake her head at her weird mom is one of the best mood boosters in the world! Take time to be silly today!
This is a difficult time for everyone. You might not be doing it as perfectly as you hoped. A huge part of self-care during quarantine is having grace for yourself! But you also don’t have to accept mediocrity. Many moms have complained to me about how difficult things are for both them and their kids. I get it! But at the same time, when I offer them these same ideas, they aren’t really willing to do any of them! You can’t help your children if you refuse to help yourself!
If you’re struggling, try doing just one of these things today! If you’re not struggling right now, make these self-care tips part of your routine and you might find yourself totally loving this quarantine (or whatever we’re calling it these days!)
In any case, keep your eyes on the light at the end. It will get better. This can’t last forever. Encourage your children the same way. It’s going to get better. In the meantime, we bust out our best dance moves!
For more ideas, for how to stay sane, check out Staying Sane While Socially Distancing and Five Ways to Make a Difference During Crisis.