I have four messy kids. I suppose the fact that they are all messy is something that could raise the age-old nature vs. nurture debate. Maybe you would assume, based on what you know about me, that my children are messy because I allow them to be. That could be true! But, I promise! I try!
I have tried so many different methods to get them to clean up after themselves. And I am positive that some of this is JUST NATURE! So, what do you do when your kids are naturally messy, but you want a clean house? For most moms, the answer is…nag.
I hate nagging! It sucks the joy right out of my life! So, that won’t work for me. But it is important that children learn to clean up. So, instead, I use these five no-nag methods that really help to get my messy kids to clean up. My children haven’t magically changed into cleaning fairies, but it has at least helped. Like with any advice, you can try it, but there is no guarantee!
You may already know that I was raised in a neat, tidy, and really clean home…well, at least for a time. Our house got messy like the everyone else’s. It’s just that my mom NEVER “tidied up.” She pretty much ONLY deep-cleaned! A few months ago, my mom really wanted me to go somewhere with her; but she knew I had company coming later, so she offered to come and help me get ready for that first.
She asked me what she could do and I replied, “You could line up the shoes by the door.” She started asking me, pair-by-pair, “Do these fit (whichever kid’s shoes were there)?” For real? We are not purging right now! Just line them up! That’s how my mom cleans.
Growing up, we started with the closets–because “If your closet is a mess, you’re not motivated to put anything in it.” And that is very true…but that is also very impractical for my life.
And yet, despite being “nurtured” to clean that way, here I am, raising my kids in a hot mess of a house! So, what does that tell me? Well, it tells me that we each have our own methods, and our kids do too.
I don’t think we can always nurture them to be more like ourselves, but instead, allow them to follow their own methods that work for them. Offering suggestions for how to streamline the methods they come up with can not only build your relationship, but also help them to take ownership and responsibility.
When I was first out on my own, I kept my place REALLY clean—clean like my mom taught me. When I was first married, I did too. But once I had children, I realized that I didn’t want to spend my days nagging them about dragging out toys, and picking up after themselves. I don’t want their memories of me to be “nagging!”
And I don’t want to be the mom that says, “No” to Play-Doh and Lego blocks; marble runs and science experiments for the sake of having a clean house. This is a home where learning and fun go hand-in-hand…and sometimes we can’t have it all!
That being said, there is a balance. And I don’t want to be the mom who sends adults out into the world who never help their spouses out because “cleaning isn’t fun!” No. We have to do things that aren’t fun sometimes.
So, these are the tried-and-true, no-nag methods I use to get my kids to clean up.
- The Quarter Method—
This one works particularly well because you kill three birds with one stone: Getting in the habit of cleaning up after themselves; earning money; and managing money. That said, it is slightly reminiscent of an allowance, which you know I don’t like to give.
RElated: 5 Reasons Kids Should Not Get an Allowance
How it works: Each child gets five quarters at the beginning of the week (or really, any number of quarters you choose.) The kids each get two reminders, but after that, each time you find one of their items strewn about, that child owes you one of his or her quarters. Whatever they have left at the end of the week, they get to keep!
This method helped when we were working on specifics, like putting shoes away; hanging up coats; getting dirty laundry into the hamper, etc. It can get really discouraging if your children already have bad habits and you just start taking quarters over every item left out.
Working on one habit at a time will allow your child to feel successful, instead of being overwhelmed by trying to remember everything at once.
And then there are the kids who like to “loophole the system,” like my oldest son. We used this system when he was about 7, or maybe 8. He stuck with it the first week and kept most of his quarters. The second week, he handed me ALL of his quarters the first day and said, “Nah. I don’t feel like cleaning up after myself.” Of course!
- The Secret Service Method—
I gave each child a paper on which he could write all of his acts of secret service down. “Secret Service” included anything done without my asking, telling, or nagging. They could not show each other what they had done in secret. Only I was allowed to see the final sheets. Each task got either one or two points, depending on the difficulty of the task (and how well it was completed) and whichever child had the most points at the end of the week got to choose a prize.
It’s effective because it makes a game out of cleaning up, and shows there is joy in serving someone else! I still find more joy in helping someone else clean and organize their stuff than I do my own! So, if there is motivation in that, then allow your child to help someone out.
This method doesn’t last long. It’s more of a once-in-a-while game to play, but if you put it away for a while, it will have the same effect when you bring it back out.
- The Zone Method—
This one is a little more complicated in some ways, as there are different ways to do it. Some people break the house into zones and then put one child in charge of each zone for either that day, or an entire week (much easier, I think!) Some include EVERYTHING in that zone—including laundry and cooking if those are your zones for the week.
Personally, that’s more work than it’s worth here, so my kids just get a zone for the week. That zone needs to be cleaned in the morning and cleaned before bedtime. I’m not always the best at remembering the “before-bed” chores because usually, when it’s bedtime, IT’S BEDTIME! But, I’m working on that!
My older kids are learning that sometimes dividing up the work is helpful. For example, when it’s my son’s turn to put the dishes away, he knows that Monday morning, there will be a lot of dishes (since we don’t do many chores on Sunday). Sometimes, he opts to do half of them on Sunday night, just so he can have a better start to his week.
I’m okay with that! He is developing his own method and if it means I don’t have to nag about it, then I’m happy! Not to mention the fact that recognizing what works for you and thinking about how you can start your week off on a positive note are important life skills and I’m thrilled that he’s learning them as a teenager!
This method actually has helped teach my kids to clean up, but as with all the other methods, we still have a long way to go.
They get sloppy about their zones and need reminding sometimes, but I will say that I have tried a lot of different chore methods, and this one is by far, the most successful for our family!
- The “Clean Cabin” Method—
Okay, my sons go to an all-boys camp each summer and they actually WIN the clean-cabin contest! How can this be? Each year, when I pick them up, I hear, “They’re so tidy!” And I immediately think they must have gotten me mixed up with some other boys’ mom.
So, once in a while, I challenge the girls and the boys with a clean-cabin contest. They each have to clean their rooms and there is a small prize for the cleanest cabin. It’s not a long-term method to help them become neater, but it does shake things up enough to be a motivator once in a while.
This method also helps teach attention to detail. It’s a great opportunity to show your kids what a difference it makes if you actually pay attention to the details!
- The “17-Minute Boogie” Method—
I credit the Fly Lady with this method. Truthfully, her system does not work for me at all because I do not care if my bed is made or if I wake up every morning to a clean sink. However, this method is a small part of her system that works with our children frequently.
It’s simple. We set the timer for 17 minutes and clean as fast as we can! 17 minutes is a doable amount of time, and it’s long enough to make an impact. My children often choose to work all together in one room and then move to the next.
At the very least, they learn the trick of setting a timer to motivate themselves, and it’s rewarding for me to see them want to work as a team!
Final Thoughts on Methods to Get Your Kids to Clean Up
I know that in my household, I have to choose between spending quality time with my family, or spending time nagging them. If you really think about yourself, did you learn good, positive habits about cleaning up after yourself because your parents nagged you?
For me, I didn’t care until I had a place of my own. Then, I got it! I think my kids will too—at least to some degree. My teenagers already are learning their limits and clean their room when it gets bad enough (and it’s nowhere near the threshold I thought it would be!) They’re getting it!
And my hope is that when they leave to go to college, they won’t be thinking, “Finally! No more nagging from my mom.” Instead, they’ll be able to set the timer for 17 minutes and make a big dent in the mess!
RElated: Get Your Kids Doing Chores
