I’m sure you’ve noticed the change in mom culture. We have gone from the June Cleaver image of “Mom vacuuming in high heels and pearls, waiting for her dear husband to come home while dinner sizzles on the stove and fresh cookies bake in the oven” to the image of “Mom wearing holey leggings and a t-shirt that says, ‘I run on red wine and cuss words’ and drinking by 10 am.”
Surely, this is not what we have become! Of course, these are the types of moms we see in our culture. Thus, it is time to create a new mom culture!
There are a whole lot of moms out there, I would even guess the majority of the moms, who love their children and have every desire in the world to nurture them and give them the best possible home and life. These moms are finding joy in their work, though it’s difficult and trying more often than not!
I may not be wearing heels and pearls, and maybe I don’t enjoy vacuuming, but I do enjoy my children and I am grateful to be able to stay at home with them. They are challenging and many days, I feel like I’m desperately messing up, but I refuse to buy into the mom culture that says I need to drink and swear to be a cool mom…or to survive my days at home.
How about you? Have you had enough of it? Are you tired of being bombarded by these messages of negativity?
Here are five “Mom-Culture” types of moms that are not funny, not cute, and not good parenting!
Don’t buy these 5 Mom-Culture lies!
- “Cool Mom”–
If you’re parenting young children, you can be cool all you want…because the things that make you cool when your children are little are things like throwing fun parties, chasing grasshoppers together, and doing fun things with your kids!
If that’s you, or who you’re trying to become, go for it! “Cool Mom” is all for you, lady!
But as your children get older, the things that make you “cool” are things that you definitely do not want to be a part of! I’m talking…allowing your kid and his friends to drink at your house “because they’re gonna do it anyway.” Or throwing out the rules altogether because…well…having rules doesn’t make you cool.
Enforcing rules makes you even less cool!
When you are parenting teens, you’re not going to be cool. Do you really need the approval of a bunch of teenagers?
My son recently told me, “My friends and I compare parents a lot and you are always the most strict!” I replied, “Music to my ears. I don’t need a bunch of teenage friends so I must be doing it right!”
Ditch the idea that you’re going to be the cool mom. Do you remember high school?! Show me a time that doing the right thing made you cool?! Yeah. That’s not your audience!
- “Boozy Mom”–
What started as the poor portrayal of moms on mediocre sitcoms has, unfortunately, become a socially acceptable excuse for moms to drink a lot!
This is serious. I personally know more than one mom who has developed a drinking problem from having “just one glass of wine in the evenings to relax after a long day.”
One of those moms recognized that it was becoming a problem before she was too far gone. But the other mom, a mom who loves her kids so well, ended up in rehab more than once. I am so grateful for her candor in sharing her story and I have so much respect for her!
She has fought hard for her family! This woman has braved the rumors of a small town in order to get her life back on track and to be the mom her children need. But she absolutely knows that it could have been avoided, had she never gone down that road and bought into the lie that all moms need to drink!
Friends, avoid the “Mommy’s sippy cup” jokes and the “Mom’s nights out” that include going out drinking! You absolutely do not need alcohol to relax, or to have fun.
- “Hot Mom”–
I have heard moms seriously say things like, “All my son’s friends think I’m so hot.” Oh. Girl. That’s not what you want! Have some dignity! Do you really think it’s appropriate that you’re trying to impress your sons’ or daughters’ friends?
I even knew one mom who was trying to impress her daughter’s boyfriend! Eww. If that’s you, you may need to re-examine your own relationships and your life choices. I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but nothing says “desperate” like the mom who thinks she’s hotter than she is!
Please, for the love of your children, step back into reality, and stop trying to impress high-school guys! Absolutely nothing about that says, “Confident!”
If this is you, I don’t know what got you here. And I’m sorry you’ve gone through whatever that was. But you are worth so much more than a teenager’s opinion!
So, please, go throw those low-cut tops in the garbage…and any tight, ill-fitting jeans and accept your role as the Mom. It’s the BEST place to be!
There is nothing wrong with dressing fashionably, but if you’re putting your body on display in order to build your self-esteem, you’re doing it wrong.
- “Selfie Mom”–
Oh. Selfie Mom. Can I just tell you that it’s noticeable? When your social media is all about yourself, and your Facebook profile has 100 pictures of you looking…the exact same way in every single one of them…you may need to shift your focus.
Who is your audience? Who are you trying to impress? Are you thriving on the fake comments of, “Beautiful” and “You never age!”? Because most of those are, indeed, fake.
I don’t know your heart, but I know that the message you are sending is, “It’s all about me!”
Most moms who are raising their children, and actually spending time with them are usually covered in spit-up, or glitter and glue, and aren’t spending hours in the bathroom mirror getting the right “look” for the perfect selfie!
It’s quite obvious to the rest of the world that if you’re posting to social media every few minutes all day, you’re probably not spending a lot of time with your children.
- “Perfect Mom”–
I still want to think that most moms love and enjoy their children and aren’t running on booze and cuss words. And for those moms, there’s still a lie that we often buy into too. It’s the lie of the “perfect mom.”
There is nothing that tears down my confidence more than when I see the seemingly perfect mom with all of her little ducklings in a row. It seems like her kids never argue or fight, and that they spend all of their time doing art projects, making beautiful messes, and snuggling on the couch.
Their children are building robots, coding computer programs, learning multiple foreign languages, and reading college-level books, all while being the stars of the sports teams, and students of the month. Oh, and they’re kind too.
This is not real. Remember that all people are sinners, even the “perfect mom.” Stop comparing what you see on the outside of her life to what you see on the inside of yours.
Someone once told me, “Remember that when you’re comparing lives, you have to take all of it. The bank account; the family life; the marriage; the children; the faith; the health; all of it.” This is something we often forget.
I think about that when people renovate their homes and post pictures online. Of course, their new room looks beautiful and Insta-worthy; but their children haven’t lived in that room yet! What does that room actually look like 20 minutes later?
Social media’s portrayal of people’s lives is like the beautiful tiled shower with a clear glass shower door. It looks amazing when it’s newly installed! And then after a few showers, your grout is grimy and your glass door has limescale and soap scum on it. No one’s taking those before and after shots!
Friends, there is no such thing as a perfect anything in this world–least of all, family! So stop beating yourself up! Be honest about the areas of sin in your life. Be honest about the areas you could improve on. We all have them! I know mine right now!
And then, take the steps you need to take in order to get there. Work at it. Don’t give up and just say, “Well, I’ll just start drinking and swearing.” You’re better than that! You can be the mom you want to be–as long as you keep your expectations reasonable. That means that you will never be perfect.
You will always need a Savior. We all do! I’m just so thankful that God pursued my heart and showed me how much I need Him! With Him, in His strength, I am becoming the mom He wants me to be!
Final Thoughts on Mom Culture
The first rule of life and parenting is: “You get what you tolerate.” This is true of our children, students (if we are teachers), co-workers, and pretty much all other relationships in life! It’s also true of our culture.
Why are we buying these T-shirts that are dumbing things down with messages like, “I love Jesus, but I cuss a lot.” Do you know that the Bible teaches us not to use curse words? Check out James 3:10.
Does that mean that if you swear, you obviously do not love Jesus? No. But when we accept our sin (and even broadcast it), we are not walking with the Lord. He does not want us to be complacent about sin in our lives. When we broadcast sin in that way, it sends the message that, “it’s really not sin.” Or, “It’s not that bad.”
And by the way, if you have to wear a shirt that explains to people that you do, indeed, love Jesus, you may want to examine your life choices. Jesus loves us right where we are–and that includes our sin. But He also calls us out of our sin, saying, “Go, and sin no more.” It does not please Him for us to accept our sin and then explain to people that we really do love Jesus…you just can’t tell because of my sin. Nope. It just doesn’t work that way.
And so, we get what we tolerate! What started with maybe a simple t-shirt, has turned into moms being portrayed this way everywhere! Even “Christian” speakers and authors now think it’s “more relatable” (in other words, high-school cool) to drink and swear. I wonder if these “Christians” have ever read the Bible.
Moms, we are better than this! God’s grace is enough to cover it all–the open, outward sin, and the inward sin that can be kept hidden. He covers it all, but we are not to abuse grace by accepting and tolerating that sin.
You will never be a perfect mom. Don’t buy the lie that someone else is either. But the Cool Mom, Boozy Mom, Hot Mom, and Selfie Moms do actually exist, and those are cultural lies that I beg you not to buy into!
RElated: Why Children Need to Hear the Word No
