I’ve been doing it all wrong! I know the importance of getting my kids doing chores. I do! And I have researched and studied age-appropriate chores and have expected my children to do their chores since they were two. However, I have been extremely inconsistent during the school year because so often, we just don’t stick to our morning wake-up schedule.
First of all, one of the perks of homeschooling is that we can be a little more flexible in the area of sleep. If my teenager was up a little later than usual, he can sleep a little later and still get his schoolwork done; however, the first things to go are always the chores as we have less time to get things done and schoolwork takes priority.
And this is an honest-to-goodness travesty! What habits am I teaching my children? Do I want to send them into the world thinking that they can sleep late and skip out on their work? Um…actually, that sounds like the exact opposite of what I want to teach them.
So, Moms, it’s time for some self-discipline! It’s January. It’s time to re-start and do things right, starting NOW. Therefore, we are going back to the schedule and sticking to it, including our chores. Sorry, kids! No more sleeping in!
CAUTION: This may result in grumpy teenagers, but they will live! And so will you! My teenagers woke me up at 5:00 am every morning after being up all night when they were infants and toddlers. (Neither of them slept through the night until they were three years old!) So, I’ve got some getting even to do anyway.
Bonus tip: When I had a difficult time getting my teenager up in the morning, I told him that if he doesn’t set his alarm and get himself up on time, he has to do all of his siblings’ chores. I’ve not had to wake him up once since!
How Do I Get My Kids Doing Chores?
Above all, you need to set your child up for success. For example, if you assign chores that are not appropriate for your child’s developmental stage, everyone will be disappointed, especially your child. After all, if your child feels like a failure, he will not want to participate. Thus, a battle will quickly ensue.
Set your child up for success with this great list of age-appropriate chores for your children. Here
Also, choices are nice, but should be given in moderation when it comes to kids doing chores. I have a son who loves to vacuum. He would choose this every time.
Don’t get me wrong! I appreciate his love for vacuuming, but in real life, we don’t always get to do the jobs we want to do. So, while it’s great to give your child a choice sometimes, be sure to include a turn on the jobs no one wants. Otherwise, you’ll be scrubbing the toilet eternally and you’ll send men who are incapable of scrubbing a toilet out to be someone’s husband. Not cool.
Lastly, we should talk about expectations. You know your child and what he or she is capable of doing. Keep your expectations on the high end of appropriate for his or her age.
When my six-year-old has the chore of making lunch, we expect peanut butter sandwiches or something very simple, but she can learn to do peanut butter sandwiches well. I can expect her to spread the peanut butter all the way to the edges and to not have large chunks of jelly all over because she is capable!
Lowering our expectations of our children is insulting to them. It says, “I don’t think you can do better.” So, keep your expectations high, but age-appropriate!
Still need inspiration? I promise that a few weeks of self-discipline will turn into a very healthy habit for you and your children! Here’s some help to get you started.
Tried-and-True Methods to Help Your Children Succeed at Doing Chores:
- Show–
No matter what your child’s age, you need to show your child how to complete the task. While this takes time, see it as an investment. Taking time to show your child how to do the task well will more likely result in the child doing the task well independently.
I actually conducted a “cleaning bootcamp” with my children. We went through one room each day and I showed them how I wanted the chores in that room completed. Yes, I showed them how I want them to swish the toilet so that it actually does something other than just splatter toilet water around. (MMMM HMMM! That’s a real problem in this house!)
I also have a printed checklist for each room. This way, if the chore is to “clean the living room,” my children have specifics about what is expected of them.
- Watch—
Next, watch your child complete the task independently. While you watch, do not pick at the small things he or she may be forgetting. Instead, use encouraging words like, “You remembered to do that all on your own! I knew you could!”
If there are parts of the task your child forgets, bring it up tomorrow at chore time by showing that part of the task again. DO NOT re-do your child’s chores! Of course, they aren’t going to do them as well as you do, but by re-doing their chores, all you teach them is that you can do it better.
That is an extreme motivation-killer. And teenagers will take advantage of it immediately. But even though my son doesn’t always clean the way I want things done, it’s important that I encourage him and thank him, especially if he did something without being asked!
There will always be a difference between “kid-clean” and “Mom-clean” and let’s face it…”man-clean” and “Mom-clean” too. If we always notice the tasks our children don’t complete and never mention the ones they do, it will discourage them from trying to improve.
- Remind—
There is really no way that your children will do their chores without being reminded or asked. One of the cardinal rules of life is that “You get what you tolerate.” This is especially true of children!
Seriously. Not saying, “Don’t forget to do your chores,” equals “Mom’s giving us the day off.” No joke.
Be patient and remind them every day. This way, you will help them create a good habit of incorporating chores into their daily schedules.
Chore charts are helpful for this, but you will still, most likely, need to remind them to complete the chart. Otherwise, your chore chart will just be a piece of paper on the fridge that no one looks at.
Again, use age-appropriate checklists for each chore to remind them of the expectations. If your child is very young, use pictures to show what needs to be done. (Check out my free checklists here and toddler checklists here!)
- Be consistent—
One of the most successful attempts I have had with my children to keep up with chores is to give them a zone that is theirs to keep up for a week. As a result, my nine-year-old said, “Wow! When you do your chore every day, it only takes a couple of minutes to keep the house clean!” EXACTLY!!
You will also have to remind them less often, because they get in the habit of doing their zones, and can stick with it if it doesn’t change too often.
This helps for me, as well, as I can easily check who is neglecting their chores without having to figure out who had Zone 1 today. I can usually remember whose zone is whose for the week…and truthfully, I can tell exactly who has each zone based on the quality of the work done.
- Mix it up and make it fun—
Being consistent with routine is good, but once in a while, mix up your child’s chores or how they’re delivered. For example, a new chore chart breathes life into the mundane, as does making a game out chores.
I’m pretty sure the very definition of “hope” is ‘a mom with a new chore chart,’ am I right?
A surprise day off from chores is also a fun, always-welcomed way to mix things up! In the summertime, we use a chore game that includes days off, and rewards that keeps things fresh and fun. It gives us a break from the norm, but we still keep the house from looking like a total dump.
Or, one of my friends said to her daughter, “How can we have more joy in doing our chores?” Her daughter asked for fun music, so they cranked it up nice and loud! If that can make a difference, great!
Final Thoughts on Getting Your Kids Doing Chores
At the beginning of last year, I was nothing more than a maid. I had no time to actually be the mom I wanted to be because I was doing everything around my house. It was ridiculous!
But I implemented these strategies, gave my kids each a weekly zone, and haven’t budged on the wake-up schedule. It has made a world of difference on our home and my sanity!
My children have stopped treating me like their personal maid and have pitched into help a little more.
No, this is not a miracle system. Again, you get what you tolerate. The first time I give them an inch, they try to take a mile, so keep it reined in. It is absolutely worth it!
Here we go, moms! You have the tools in your box to go from being a maid to a mom. Let’s do this right and get our kids doing chores! Their future spouses will thank us for it.
RElated: Cleaning Tips for Messy Procrastinators
