Christmas is coming soon, and there are very few things more annoying than giving a gift to an ungrateful child! Especially if the child is yours! (Really, it’s annoying when it’s someone else’s kid too, right?) I never really thought about how Thanksgiving can go hand in hand with Christmas…or how cultivating gratitude in your children now, during the fall, can help quell the greedy gimmies at Christmas time. But now that it’s right around the corner, it seems like a great time to get a jump on cultivating gratitude in my children!
For the most part, I really do have grateful children. I’m not here to take credit for that, in any way, shape, or form. I’m a firm believer that if you don’t want to take the blame for the bad, you probably shouldn’t take credit for the good either. In my opinion, God deserves all the credit for that!
I will be honest. I am a pretty grateful person, overall, but I have received a few gifts that have left me…speechless. And the gifts I’m referring to were given out of complete and total “obligation,” so there was no thoughtfulness, or relationship that I could focus on. Y’all, that is hard! You’re left with the, “Oh, I really like this frame” (on this GIANT photo of myself!) For real, I got a huge picture of myself once as a gift. Is that weird? My friend said, “Oh, it’s your funeral picture!” Yep. That’s exactly how it felt too.
But let me not dwell on that! Several years ago, I learned a fantastic technique from my children that really helps with this kind of situation. I noticed that they always tell the giver of the gift, “Thank you” before they ever even open the gifts! I’m pretty sure they don’t even know how smart that is—it’s just genuine gratitude. In doing this, they communicate, “I don’t even care what it is, I’m just so thankful for your thoughtfulness!”
Yes. My kids school me all.the.time!
That said, I do think there are things we can do to be intentional about cultivating gratitude in our kids. You may already be doing some of these things, without even realizing it. Remember, though, our children are watching and listening, even when we don’t think they are.
How to Raise More Grateful Children:
- Keep a Gratitude Journal or Complete a Gratitude Activity—
You can cultivate gratitude in your kids by keeping a gratitude journal with your children, or helping them each to keep their own journals. Help them write down at least one thing (or however many you would like) they are grateful for each day.
If your children are too young to write, just have them practice telling you the things they are thankful for. There is no need to wait until Thanksgiving to do this! You can do this every night and it will create a great habit of gratitude in your children.
We find that sometimes, we don’t get to this daily, and it becomes a bit mundane at times. The responses can become a bit rote, so sometimes, we like to shake it up with a seasonal gratitude activity.
This week, we are making this Gratitude Pumpkin Patch! Either print on orange paper, or on white and have your children color them. Then, pass out the pumpkins! Each person writes what he or she is grateful for, until they are all full. Then, we hang them up somewhere we can see them (like on our whiteboard, patio door, or fridge). You get some sweet, Fall decorations, and your children learn to take time to think about all the things they have for which to be thankful, rather than the old, “What are you most thankful for?” around the Thanksgiving table!
(We have also “grown a tulip garden,” using the same concept, in the Spring!)
- Use Manners—
Expecting your children to use manners, particularly, “Please” and “Thank you,” helps them to gain awareness of how much they really have to be thankful for!
When someone holds the door for your child, teach him to say, “Thank you.” When someone compliments your child, she needs to say, “Thank you.” If a friend gives your child a ride home, make sure you remind your child to thank her for it!
Look at how much we can be thankful for! As always, children learn by watching you. When you use manners, even when asking your child to do something he or she can be expected to do, you are sending the message, “I am thankful that you did that.” That sets a great example of being grateful for big and small things.
- Point Out “God Winks”—
God loves us like we love our children. I get such great joy when I can surprise my son with the sneakers he wanted because I found a great deal on them! Or when the jumpsuit my daughter was eyeing is suddenly marked down to THREE DOLLARS and they have one left in her size! I love seeing the joy on their faces when they are able to have things that would be out of our budget, normally!
But when those things happen, I could take the credit for it, or I can give God the credit for it. He orchestrates all of it! In our house, we call it a God Wink—like, just a little wink from God reminding them that He sees us. He sees them. He knows and He cares…about all of it. And we try to make sure to tell Him, “Thank You!”
Next time you’re running late and there’s a front-row parking spot open, thank God! Or when you’re not sure when you’re going to have a chance to get your kid some new shorts that fit, and someone drops some hand-me-downs off, thank God for that! He loves you and He cares about all of the little things…as well as the big things.
- Allow Awareness—
It’s a good thing to allow your children to be aware of what is going on in the world—to a degree that is age-appropriate. Help your child understand that there are children who don’t know where their next meal will come from. Help your child to see that there are hurricanes and fires taking people from their homes and how grateful we can be for what we have!
Again, be sure to keep it age-appropriate for them, especially if you have a very sensitive child. I knew a little girl when I was a kid, who went to sleep each night listening to the radio. Her mom didn’t realize that she stayed up to listen to the news each night and it gave her high anxiety levels at times! Definitely be careful, but you know what your child can handle and teaching your child about suffering also builds compassion and empathy, which are two very important qualities!
Allowing your child to have some awareness, from a young age, will help cultivate gratitude for what she does have!
- Help Your Child Give—
This last step can be difficult, but is well worth it! This is the step not to forget, especially if you allow your child some awareness of those who are less fortunate than we are. This is where the rubber meets the road. Are you willing to help those less fortunate? Are you willing to find ways to give, or to help them?
The tricky thing is that most organizations want money—they don’t want donations of old toys, or home-made gifts that a child has made. They don’t want our children’s gifts! But there are ways around this.
You can encourage your child to sell some of his old toys and then donate the money to the organization of his choice. You could encourage her and help her to make and sell jewelry, or candles for a cause. And if people know you’re doing it to raise money for something, they are much more likely to buy and to be generous.
It takes time and effort, but it cultivates gratitude AND generosity in our kids! I don’t know about you, but those are two of the most important things on my list that I would like my children to have!
Final Thoughts on Cultivating Gratitude
I cannot tell you how many people have told me that being grateful is a huge contributor to a healthy state of mind. There are gratitude apps, journals, probably even groups on social media…and those are all for adults. Why? Because practicing gratitude clearly makes a difference!
But what if you cultivate that habit in your child from an early age so much so that when she is an adult, she doesn’t have to use apps, or take classes. In fact, she doesn’t even have to think about being grateful because it has just become a part of who she is!
That child, as an adult, will not be entitled! And can we all agree that we need to see a little less entitlement in our culture and a little more gratitude?!
So, let’s dig in! Parenting is not easy, but you are strong and capable of rising to this challenge! Cultivating gratitude in our kids, starts with our own hearts!
RElated: 5 Important Values for Kids (And How to Teach Them)
