Foster and adoptive parenting are different, and yet, they both can be so lonely. In general, people don’t understand how different parenting children from tough starts is! They often assume that as long as you are showing that child love and discipline, the child will act just as any other child.
I remember thinking how differently people would treat my foster son if he had been physically disabled. Instead, because his disabilities were not visible, expectations of him were higher. At the same time, he had also been treated as though he would never be able to do certain things. He was much smarter than people thought, so in many ways, expectations were too low. It was an incredibly difficult balance to strike.
With either foster children or adopted children, especially those adopted after infancy, you don’t know their stories. You don’t know what you’re getting. You don’t know where that sweet child has been or what she has been through. Every little thing you do could trigger either a negative memory or a positive memory, and the only way to find out is through trial and error. And there are a lot of errors!
It is simply not the same as parenting biological children…and most people do not understand that.
And of course, it is the people who don’t understand that are full of unsolicited advice when you’re the one in the trenches!
Here, you’ll find someone who gets it! As a previous foster parent, and an adoptive parent of a child who has struggled with RAD, I can relate to many of the issues that foster and adoptive parents deal with.
And for those of you who are not here for foster and adoptive parenting tips, I’d love for you to just linger a little on this topic, in order to better understand what those you know in this situation might be going through! A little understanding and empathy go further than you might realize!
RElated: What to Know About Foster Parenting