It has been snowing here every day, which definitely makes me think about Christmas! As I have been shopping and planning, I have also been thinking of how difficult it was to make it through all of the holiday activities and events with toddlers!
If thinking of family gatherings with your child makes you break into a cold sweat, keep reading! Today, I have some tips to get through activities and events and still be able to actually enjoy the season. (And your husband’s brother and sister-in-law who carry their cats around in a cat version of the Baby Bjorn, will be able to keep the stink-eye to themselves!)
Tips for Handling the Holidays with Toddlers
- Be Compassionate!—
First of all, if you’re traveling with young children, remember that it’s not any more fun for them than it is for you! Most toddlers do not set out to be annoying or naughty; they just don’t always know what to do with themselves when they are bored and tired.
Showing your child compassion will help when dealing with behaviors that may seem overwhelming to you, but are probably coming from a place of overwhelm for your toddler too.
Over-stimulation can be a huge trigger for misbehavior for children, especially toddlers. Think about the hustle and bustle of stores and airports on a regular day, much less during the holidays. Your child’s brain cannot always handle the crowds in general, but it’s worse during the holidays.
Imagine looking at legs moving quickly all around you; smelling all sorts of different scents in the air, from the lady wearing a gallon of perfume to the guy who hasn’t showered in a week, and then over to the hot cider and cookies being served in the mall; hearing people talking to each other in person, and on their phones, all while Christmas music plays over the loudspeaker and the Salvation Army bells are ringing their heads off! It’s enough to give me sensory overload just writing about it. Think of your toddler!
Being compassionate and patient will go a long way in this situation. Thinking about how your toddler must feel will be especially helpful in offering comfort, solace, and rest whenever you can!
- Don’t Rely on Others for Entertainment—
When you are visiting other people in their homes, never expect that there will be things to do for your children! There are no guarantees.
Visiting older people can be especially boring for children of any age. Pack a small bag of toys that your child doesn’t normally get to play with. Explain to your toddler that “We are going to spend some time with Aunt Sally. She doesn’t get to see us very often, so I would like to give her my attention. Do you think you could play quietly so that Aunt Sally can feel special?”
When you include your toddler in “the plan,” it can really help, but it is too much to expect of your toddler to entertain himself with…nothing. So, give him those activities that he never gets to do! Don’t give him the whole bag—give him one or two things to keep busy with. Save the best toys for when you’ve visited a little while and things are really getting boring!
And again, be compassionate to your child. Keep your expectations of him reasonable. Your toddler isn’t going to sit and entertain himself for hours while you visit with dear Aunt Sally! Take the cues when it’s time to go!
- Stick to a Sleep Schedule—
As much as you possibly can, keep your child’s normal sleep routine during the holidays. I know this can be difficult, especially when traveling. Remember that quality time is better than quantity time (and remind Grandma, too, if you need to!)
I know that grandparents who haven’t seen your child will want to spend every moment with her, but EVERYONE will have more fun if your child is well-rested and in a good mood! It’s so easy to think that 2 hours spent napping, when you only have a couple of days together, is wasted and your child can sleep later, but that’s just never how it goes!
Your child won’t make up for that sleep later and you will be miserable. The last thing anyone wants is for your child to be too exhausted to enjoy the best parts of Christmas!
Now, you don’t have to be completely rigid either. There’s a balance. Unless your son is like mine, who wouldn’t sleep for days if he got overly tired (I was SO RIGID about naptime that I had anxiety if we weren’t exactly on schedule—don’t be like that either if you can help it!)
If your schedule and your child allow for a bit of flexibility, then go ahead and go with the flow. But remember that toddlers get overwhelmed faster than adults do, so whenever possible, stick to that normal schedule!
- Pack Familiar Items and Snacks—
If you’re traveling, or staying with family, everything will be different for your child. Sometimes, we don’t think about how difficult that can be—a different house; different smells; a different bed; and different food.
And the last thing you need is to constantly defend your child’s small stature to a bunch of perfect parents who have decided that the reason she’s so small is because she doesn’t eat!
Pack a few familiar foods that your child can eat at snack time, especially if you have a picky eater! But please don’t go overboard in packing your own food. This can come across as incredibly rude! And you don’t need to make a big deal about it either!
I have been around a family dinner table in which some of the kids just couldn’t eat what we were having because it just “wasn’t healthy enough.” If you’re a guest in someone else’s home, be polite and eat what they have served whenever you can. If it’s a legitimate health issue, they will understand, but the bigger deal you make of it, the worse it feels to the person hosting the meal.
And if you have the kids who are Vegan and you feel they eat more healthful food than everyone else, okay, but just give them whatever you’ve brought and don’t make it into a big production! We don’t need your kids to be pretentiously judging what we choose to eat. (By the way, I’m not, in any way, saying that people who choose to eat a Vegan diet are pretentious! That was simply a diet that is an easy example.)
- Don’t Overschedule Activities—
When I was a teenager, I had the absolute privilege of traveling to New York City and Washington D.C. on a school trip. It was such a great experience. But in true educational trip fashion, our teacher PACKED the schedule with opportunities for our group to perform at many locations, and then all of the “touristy” things we could fit in.
I spent most of the trip so absolutely exhausted that I couldn’t enjoy a lot of the things! In fact, I honestly don’t even have a lot of memories from that trip because I was.SO.TIRED!
Sometimes, we do this to our children too. We think we have to pack so much fun into the Christmas or holiday season, that we are too exhausted to even enjoy it! Toddlers become exhausted mentally before they do physically. Don’t forget that! Mental exhaustion often leads to meltdowns.
So, learn to recognize the signs that your child is worn out—even if she is still bouncing off the walls long after your body is tired!
You can say, “No” to holiday activities! The sleigh rides in the park that start at 8 pm? Sounds like fun, but, maybe next year. Standing in line for three hours to see Santa? Your child might be happier skipping it! And that’s okay! Because your time spent with your child will be of higher quality if he or she is not totally exhausted (and you too!)
Bonus: Leaving a little room in the schedule also keeps things much more relaxed because you don’t have to stress about getting from one activity to the next without being late!
- Prepare Your Child for Changes to Routine—
With toddlers, a little extra preparation goes a long way! If you are planning to travel, explain that to your child a week or at least a few days before you leave. You can include your child in the travel details and ask if he has ideas for what he would really like to do while you’re away.
Allow your child to ask all kinds of questions to help reassure him of what things will be like. Warn him ahead of time if there will be people he does not know there. If you know that you and your siblings have different rules for your kids, explain that to him before you go. Maybe you know that you’ll be up late on Christmas Eve; prepare your child that she will need to go to bed and go to sleep even though there are still grown ups still awake and talking.
If you have a loud family, explain to your toddler that just because someone talks loudly, it doesn’t mean he is angry or yelling.
Try to put yourself in your toddler’s shoes. Think about all the things she might not understand and prepare her for them the best you can before you arrive!
- Assemble and Prepare Toys Before Wrapping Them—
This is a win-win that I still don’t remember to do! Why don’t I do this?! Seriously, if you give your toddler a toy for Christmas, assemble it and put batteries in it before you wrap that thing! All your kid will miss by not opening the original packaging is a lot of frustration, and let’s be honest, they bring that thing to you every single time anyway!
There are two serious benefits to opening and assembling the toys ahead of time.
First, you get to make sure that it works before Christmas! I do my shopping early, so, often, if something is broken upon opening it, I have missed my return window! Not cool. Seriously, open and assemble!!
Second, your child does not have to wait while you hunt down a knife to cut open those zip ties holding that toy hostage in the package; then wait while you find a tiny little screwdriver to open the battery compartment; and then wait some more while you try to rustle up some 9-volt batteries by robbing the smoke alarms! That’s a lot of patience for a young child!
Instead, you can smile smugly as your child plays with his toys, while your nieces and nephews melt-down waiting for theirs! No. Don’t do that! NEVER smile smugly or next time it will be you for sure!
- Ignore the Judgment (or Fake It ‘Til You Make It!)—
If you have a family member who constantly judges your parenting, PLEASE HEAR ME! If God thought someone else could do better, He would have given your children to her! Repeat after me: If God thought she could do better, He would have given my children to her!
BUT, remember that when tempted to judge her and her parenting too. We all do it, whether we mean to or not. I know that God didn’t think I was the best parent for my nieces and nephews, and yet, sometimes, I get frustrated by how their parents do their jobs. It’s just not how I would do things.
And that is why God didn’t give me their children! They have different children than I do and their parenting methods are best for those kids! My methods are best for my kids. So, instead of feeling like you’re competing for the Star Mother Award—realize that Star Mother Awards can go to MANY MOMS; and we can all be learning from each other in some way or another.
If that judgment just keeps getting to you, at least fake it ‘til you make it! Whenever one of your relatives brags about how amazing his or her child is, just smile and say, “That’s so great!” It really cuts down on the competition…and just like your mom used to tell you, “If you don’t give them a reaction, it won’t be fun!”
- Set and Communicate Clear Expectations—
Handling the holidays with your toddler can be a little less frustrating if you set and communicate your expectations clearly before you attend anything! I am so guilty of having expectations in my mind that I ASSUME my children should know…and then getting frustrated when those expectations are nowhere near met!
Sound familiar?
Set your expectations with your children before you attend that community performance of A Christmas Carol or before you attend the Christmas tree lighting ceremony in your town. Explain to your child that there might be parts of whatever you’re attending, that may be boring. And then ask your child to tell you what she thinks would be appropriate behavior for the event.
Keep your expectations reasonable! Basically, your toddler shouldn’t be trying to sit through a community performance of A Christmas Carol. Stick to toddler-friendly activities such as a short story time, or Santa’s Workshop day.
- Make it Fun (for Everyone)!—
If you’re taking a long trip over the holidays, with a toddler, try to find things along the way that can break up the trip. I am notorious for just wanting to get to my destination. Let’s drive hard now so that we can rest later. But that’s not necessarily suitable for children!
Finding one fun thing along the way can turn a long, boring day of driving into a fun memory for kids!
The same thing goes if you are visiting family in another city or state. Do some research ahead of time to find fun options for you and your kids to do during that downtime. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It can be having cookies and hot cocoa in your jammies, but just remember to take a moment to be intentional with your time with your children.
Toddler meltdowns can lead to mommy meltdowns quickly! But we all know that if your toddler is having fun, things tend to go more smoothly, and everyone has more fun! (You can learn to prevent and manage toddler meltdowns here).
Final Thoughts on Handling the Holidays with a Toddler:
Christmas can be a stressful time for families, especially moms! And our children sense our stress and feed off it. If Mommy is stressed, everyone is stressed! Sometimes, we don’t even know that we have underlying stress that’s driving our toddlers bananas!
If that stress is coming from the judgment you face from extended family, remember, there is no one else in this whole world that God thought would be better for the job! So, kick that to the curb and try to relax! The more relaxed you can be, the more relaxed your children will be.
If the stress is coming from being overcommitted, really take a look at your holiday calendar and see what you can really whittle down. Remember, all the fun activities in the world are not fun if they cause stress and exhaustion!
No matter what the source of your stress is, it’s important to figure it out so you can combat it! Above all, try to remember to be compassionate to your children through whatever your holiday season brings! A little compassion and understanding go a long way in handling the holidays with a toddler!
RElated: Cultivate Gratitude in Your Kids
