There is typically no shortage of conflict when raising teenagers. Emotions run high and when paired with hormones, let’s be honest, things can get ugly sometimes. Often, our teenagers hurt us. They disrespect us; they disobey us; and they say hurtful things out of complete ignorance. Of course, during conflict, it is important to keep my temper in check, but when that doesn’t happen, how do I reconcile with my teenager? Well, let me just say that most of the time, it has to start with me, the parent.
When you’ve lost your temper with your teen, doing these things will help the two of you reconcile.
5 Steps To Reconcile with Your Teenager:
- Ask yourself, “What was my sin in the situation?”
It is so easy to get caught up in what your teen did to exasperate you.
Most of the time, you could justify your sin ten times over if you’re comparing it to your teen’s sin, but justification of sin never leads to sanctification from sin. Don’t accept mediocrity and stay where you are. Ask yourself what you did wrong and then admit that without worrying about what he or she did.
2. Confess your sin—first to the Lord.
We all know that it takes humility to apologize…especially to a snotty, rude, hurtful teenager who may or may never apologize to you. This is why it is imperative to confess first to the Lord! He will help you! When you confess your sin to Him, reconciliation happens between yourself and God and in turn, He is able to break down the pride that may be standing in the way of apologizing to your teen.
3. Apologize to your teen—
Now we’re into the nitty-gritty. This is where it gets ugly for us as we come face-to-face with our pride. Let me ask you, though, “Is your pride more important than your relationship with your child?” Here’s the thing. If you’re wrong, you’re wrong and your teen knows it whether you admit it or not. At that point, you don’t have your pride anyway! In fact, the refusal to apologize can make you look like a total fool! Bite down hard, push aside your pride, and be the first to apologize.
4. Think about it from a different perspective—
I cannot tell you the number of times I have been exasperated with a child, thrown up my hands in defeat, and then thought of an instance with the Lord when I have acted the same way! For example, your teen is not happy with the brand of jeans you recently purchased for him and lets you know it! You think he’s acting like a spoiled, entitled brat and would appreciate a “thank you” instead of a barrage of negative comments. But have you ever done that to the Lord? I have! I have a closet full of clothes and none of them are good enough sometimes! Have you ever said, “I have nothing to wear!” when your closet is full of perfectly fine clothing? Guilty! I guess I’m not so much better than my spoiled teen am I?
5. Be compassionate and quick to forgive—
Compassion always goes a long way! Try to understand where your teen is coming from. Can we be honest about something? As tough as being an adult is sometimes, would you EVER want to be a teenager again?!? I definitely don’t! Bills, parenting, career, responsibility and decision-making as an adult—I would take them ANY day over being a teen again. It’s not easy being a teenager and remember that we all have bad days. Have compassion and be quick to forgive!
Remember as you work to reconcile with your teenager, that reconciliation is more than just an apology. It’s the rebuilding of a relationship. If we look at it as tearing down in order to re-build stronger, we can turn lemons into lemonade by allowing conflict to teach us—about ourselves, about our teens, and about our relationships with the Lord.
RElated: How to Disagree Respectfully (For Parents and Teens)
