5 Important Values For Kids (And How to Teach Them)

I’m going to ask you to do something that might be difficult.  Take a moment to think about your parenting goals. Get together with your husband and answer these questions together: “What are the five most important values we want our kids to know as adults?” and “How will we teach these values to our children?”

I’m telling you!  You may think you don’t have to do this because certainly, you’re on the same page; however, I have asked couples to do this many times and they find out quickly that maybe they’re not even in the same chapter!  Some parents think of important values only in terms of life skills; others, in terms of what will make their kids happy in life.  Some think only about character (hello!  Guilty party of one here!)  And others are so focused on keeping the messes in their homes to a minimum, that they’ve never even thought about the bigger picture.  (If that’s you—no judgement!  Most of us have been there at one point too!)

So, what are five of the most important values your kids need to know before they leave the house? And how can you shift your focus in order to make them happen?

Please keep in mind that these are my five most important values to teach my kids. Yours might be different and that’s okay, but hopefully, these will inspire you to think about yours! Once you and your husband have come up with your agreed upon five most important values, write them down! I’m telling you–DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP! Writing down your goals gives you a much better chance of actually achieving them (Statistics state a 42% higher chance and I need all the help I can get!)

1. A Relationship with God is the Most Important Thing You Will Ever Have—

When I say “relationship,” I mean “relationship.”  That is, you put the same effort into knowing God as you would into knowing your mate!  You spend time with Him–talking to Him and allowing Him to speak back to you (through reading the Bible!) 

How do you focus on this in your parenting?

Model! Then, model! After that, model some more!  Your children need to SEE you spending time with the Lord.  They need to hear you speak of the Lord’s faithfulness in your life.  They need to hear the applicable truths and have God’s faithfulness to them pointed out when it is obvious.  After all, how can you say it is the most important value for yourself, if you do not live it?

When my son was twelve, he inadvertently ended up in a dangerous situation in which he was being followed. (Like, actually followed–police got involved, reports were made, etc.)  In the situation, the Lord gave him such clarity and wisdom beyond what a normal twelve-year-old would have.  He kept his wits about him and didn’t panic and was able to get to a safe place.  He was quite shaken by the situation, but one of the first things he said was, “God was faithful to me!”  Our kids are listening to us! So, keep pointing out God’s faithfulness to them (and to yourself!)

2. There is Great Value in Hard Work—

Thomas Edison said, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like hard work.”  How true this is!  Teach your children to be hustlers.  My parents were experts at this!  My dad never missed an opportunity to hire out his children.  And if someone decided to be overly generous with pay, he quickly put a stop to that! 

Though we hated it at the time, I have found myself doing the same thing to my children.  Why?  Because it does them no favors to teach them that their work is worth more than it actually is!  Kids need to learn that they are at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to the working world.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with this!  It will teach them humility, hard work, and appreciation for a dime–all important values for kids to know!

How do you focus on this in your parenting?

       First of all, it starts at home at a young age with chores.  There is nothing wrong with expecting your children to complete chores for ZERO pay!  Come on, moms!  We are CONSTANTLY forking out money for this activity, that fundraiser, and of course, that new pair of shoes that she will absolutely die without!  We pay them better than anyone else!  You do NOT need to pay your children to do basic chores around the house.  It comes with the territory of living here. 

RElated: 5 Reasons Kids Should Not Get an Allowance

       Second, as your children get older, encourage the entrepreneur in them!  My sons have sold lemonade, art, wild blueberries, and my personal favorite, night crawlers.  Oh yeah.  They pooled their money and invested in a night crawler farm.  The shipment ended up being bad and the night crawlers all died!  I am not kidding, y’all!  The smell of a tote full of dead night crawlers could knock you over!  This was not the business for us!  In any case, I could have told them that they wouldn’t earn $300 in one day selling lemonade, but it was better that they learned that for themselves. And they pulled in 11 bucks along the way!

       Last, but definitely not least, show your children the importance of networking.  My sons have literally hoed a field—and I mean, with a hoe for six bucks an hour!  They weren’t above it and it was for a man in our community who owns several different businesses and has many contacts.  Working for him has already led to a few other jobs for them.  At the same time, they have been mowing our neighbor’s lawn for a few years.  He has no pull in our community, per se, but has passed their names on to other people because they have done a good job.

3.  Money-Management is Essential—

This is not as difficult as we like to think it is.  My mom always said, “It’s pretty simple.  If you have five bucks, you can’t spend $5.01.”  But beyond that, tithing is one of the most important values too.

How do you focus on this in your parenting?

When you take your children shopping, teach them to calculate costs per ounce.  (Most stores make this really easy by actually putting this right on the price tags).  Show your children that store-brand items are usually cheaper than name-brand items and for goodness sake!  Teach your children about the clearance racks!  Whenever any of my children want something new, they usually ask by saying, “Mom?  Could you watch the clearance racks for XYZ basketball shoes?”  They’ve learned that my answer to this is almost always, “Sure!”

Teaching your children that most people who actually have money do not look like they have money and most people who try to look like they have money actually don’t have money is a good concept too.  Proverbs 13:7 states, “One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.”  This is a great verse to break out when your children are whining for something brand-name.

When they are older, teaching them to calculate interest and how interest works is also important.  This way, they see how much extra they will end up paying over the course of a loan and be able to decide whether or not it’s worth it. 

4. The Secret to Being Content—

Contentment is one of the most important values I want my kids to know! This advice has been in my family for generations: “There are two kinds of people in this world; those who have more than you and those who have less than you.  Focus on those who have less and you will always be content.”

How do you focus on this in your parenting?

You can introduce your children to real-world suffering by the age of three.  Of course, you want to keep this age-appropriate (an example with a three- year-old might be to say when your child is asking for a snack, “How would it feel if we didn’t have any snacks?”) and if you have a particularly sensitive child who will become anxious about the suffering of others, use your best judgement for when your child is ready for this. 

I’m not talking about saying, “There are children in Africa who are starving—eat your broccoli!”  I’m talking about real-life examples of children who are suffering.  Show your child a picture of a town devastated by a natural disaster.  Explain to your child that there are children right here, in our own towns, who do not have enough food to eat. 

Then, get involved with organizations and listen to your child! (I cannot stress this enough!) Children often have BIG ideas for how to change the world and they are not able to figure out the logistics of how to make them work.  Mom!  This takes some work, but I promise you, it will be an investment with a big payoff! 

When my son was six years old, the news of the earthquakes that had happened in Haiti shook him.  He was literally trying to wiggle all of his teeth loose so that he could give his tooth fairy money to help the Haitians!  Instead, we brainstormed ways that a six-year-old could raise money and we settled on him writing a letter to local businesses, asking them to pledge a donation for each bag of garbage he cleaned up around our town.  He picked up 30 bags of garbage and at the age of six, he raised more than $800 for the people of Haiti! 

It was a big commitment for me!  I had a six year-old, a four year-old, and a six month-old baby and we were out every day, picking garbage.  But the payoff was huge!  He learned at a young age that he could make a difference in this world and he has not stopped!  He has such compassion for others who are in need and constantly finds ways to help others.

5. Pair Boldness with Compassion—

So often, we are either bold or compassionate, and the two do not seem to coexist well.  Can you be bold in your faith and be compassionate?  Absolutely!  In fact, the entire premise of the Gospel is truth and love!  The Truth: We are wretched sinners who deserve death.  The love:  God knew that and sent His only Son to die in our places!

How do you focus on this in your parenting?

Young children often struggle with compassion and need to be constantly asked to think about the other person’s feelings.  Ask questions like, “How would you feel if we did that to you?”  Or, “How do you think that made your friend feel?” 

As they get older, teach them to speak out about what is wrong and to stand up, not only for themselves, but for others too.  Teaching them to have compassion for others, but encouraging them to fight for those who are weak, helps them to pair boldness with compassion.

With teenagers, this is a bit tricky because you want your teenagers to stand firm in what they believe, but it’s easier to become self-righteous than it is to become righteous.  Make sure that your teenager’s core friend group shares your values, faith, and beliefs, but encourage them to befriend someone from outside of church as well.  Keeping the core friend group is important because we all know how easily swayed teenagers can be!

These are my five most important values and areas of focus for my kids this year…ah, who am I kidding?  For this life (it will take me that long!)  What are yours? Let’s work together to instill values in our children that will empower them to change the world!