I don’t own a smartphone. And I share a cell phone with my husband. Oh…and we still have a landline! (Gasp!) My teenagers share one “activity phone” that they take when they are away and it has no data. We also don’t have video games and here we are! Not only surviving, but thriving! And our relationships are so much better because of it! There are not a lot of ways for us to cut down on screen time, but we are also not the majority. Many parents are searching for ways to cut back screen time for their kids, but what about yourself? Do you have a handle on how much screen time you use?
Reducing screen time has so many benefits. You can read about the benefits of limiting screen time in this article by the Mayo Clinic.
Managing your screen time starts with awareness–awareness of your own screen time usage, as well as your children’s. I cannot tell you the number of times, visiting with other moms, I have heard them say things like, “I feel so bad! I missed my daughter’s first hockey goal because I was texting someone.” And other moms jump in to comfort that mom saying, “Don’t worry about it! You’re not the first person to do that!”
While I can appreciate how moms encourage each other, I do believe this is a sad, sad thing.
God designed us to be relational. He designed us to need relationships with other people…and I’m not talking about someone’s comment of approval on your latest social media post. It’s time to manage your screen time and take back your relationships!
How can we build relationships with our children if we walk away from what they are saying every time the phone dings? How can we expect them to be any different?
People have said to me, “Oh, you’re so lucky you’re not on Facebook.” And I usually reply, “You know no one is forcing you either, right?” I’m not lucky! I have made a choice!
Sometimes it is a hard choice. Sometimes, I don’t bring snacks to youth group on my assigned day because the list is posted only on Facebook. Well, sorry! If you can’t find five seconds of your time to e-mail me the list, then I guess I can’t bring the snack. I miss out on social gatherings and other invitations because the invitation is only on social media. I’m going to be honest…if you can’t make a quick phone call or send a text about an event, then I get the feeling you don’t really care whether I’m there or not…so don’t worry! I’ll skip it! If everyone else cut back on technology, I would be included a lot more often.
We NEED REAL relationships! In our Zoom call, social media, cell phone world, moms are replacing true relationships (you know, the kind where you actually talk to each other) with stamps of approval—in the forms of likes, comments, and heart emojis on social media. This is not good for our mental health! It drains us of the energy our children need from us and it trickles down to our children quickly. They are watching us. Do you need to change the example you’re setting?
Five Steps to Reduce and Manage Your Screen Time
- Suspend your accounts—
Just try it! Suspend your accounts for a week (Seriously, what are you actually going to miss in a week?!) Try it for one week. Be disciplined so you can actually see if it is a positive change in your life. I had a friend who, for years, yo-yo dieted on Facebook. She didn’t want to check it, but she feared missing out. Finally, a few years ago, she pulled the plug for good and now recognizes how much happier she feels without it.
Get ready! Once you reduce your screen time, you might have a whole lot of time on your hands so have something else that you like to do ready to go—read that book that’s been collecting dust; do that science experiment with your kids; learn to knit; the world is your oyster!
- Set Screen Time Limits—
Tell your loved ones that you will not be available to answer calls or texts within certain hours. Then, silence your notifications. You can let your people know that if it’s an emergency, they should call once and call back again. Most likely, you don’t get a lot of phone calls that are pulling you away from your children—it’s most likely texts and social media notifications. You can turn those off, but leave the ringer on your phone in case of emergency. Once you start setting limits and sticking to them, your friends and family will most likely only call you if it’s an emergency during your “office hours.”
It will amaze you how much more attention you can give to your children if you cut back on your screen time! Remember, they are not taking you away from more important things, less important things are pulling you away from them!
You and your family will live if you’re not tethered to a phone. No. I mean it. You will actually LIVE. (Maybe don’t have your husband paged at the grocery store to add something to the shopping list, though…perhaps yours won’t mind, but my husband didn’t love the “Would the last man on Earth without a cell phone please report to customer service for a phone call?” page!) He lived through it and we still laugh about it!
- Set More Limits—
If you’re dying without your social media accounts (by the way, that is NOT a thing!!), set limits for when you can check your e-mail, texts, social media, etc. Schedule the time and be done when your time is up! It’s very easy to go down a rabbit hole if you don’t give yourself limits.
If you tell yourself that in order to check your social media sites, you have to get up at 5:00 am, you might see a difference in your priorities. If your children nap and you use that as your time alone, and that’s how you wish to spend it, fine. But whatever you choose, do it when your children are in bed and don’t ignore your spouse either!
Stop ignoring the real people in your life who love you the most for people who don’t really even know you, much less care! Remember, they are all looking for likes, trying to make a sale, and gain more followers, instead of actually caring about you. Of course, this is not true of everyone, but do you know the quickest way to find out which people truly care? Get off social media, and see who puts in the extra work to keep in touch with you!
- Don’t Use Your Phone to Entertain Your Children—
Yes, there are occasions when you can allow this (like, when your child needs to remain still for allergy testing), but most often, your children do not need a phone to entertain them! I have seen countless children sitting in carts at the grocery store, watching or playing something on a phone. I understand that it makes things a little easier in the moment, but definitely not in the long-term.
Talk to your child through the grocery store. Teach your child to act appropriately and reward him when he does. If you’re worried about tantrums, learn how to prevent and manage meltdowns.
If you have to wait somewhere, use a magazine to do a letter hunt; play I-spy; or allow your child to come up with a game. We bring schoolwork and AWANA (our church club) books to keep busy and pass the time.
My children play basketball. Their siblings are expected to come to the games and support them. And while we are there, I see countless kids looking down at devices! We are at an event meant to entertain! There is nothing wrong with expecting a child to watch the game—it might take some interaction with you—you might need to speak to your child and explain what’s going on. If you have a young child, teach him or her a cheer! This is not a situation in which a child should need to be entertained.
I do know there may be exceptions to the rule—especially if you have a child with special needs or if the tournament goes from 8 am to 5 pm, but there are other, non-electronic activities (sticker books, reading books, small toys, etc.) that can be brought along in a backpack for your child.
- Keep Your Phone a Phone—
If your child is used to having your phone whenever he or she wants it, this will come as a shock! Take the games off your phone. This way, when your child nags for the phone, you can give it to her, but she will be pretty bored when all that’s on it is a dial-pad and a calculator. Allow your child to use the camera function, which will allow for much more creativity than playing a video game.
If you do this, and you find yourself in a situation in which it would be really warranted for a child to be entertained by a phone, (let’s say, at a visitation or the before and after of a funeral) it will actually be a novelty and will hold your child’s attention much better!
Keeping your phone a phone not only cuts back on your child’s screen time, but it will help you manage your screen time as well. It’s amazing how much time is spent online on cell phones and usually, if we’re being completely honest, it’s not time well spent…and far from productive!
One day, I was in the waiting room in the hospital lab, waiting for my son to have an MRI. I was reading a book and writing in a notebook, planning lessons for my upcoming homeschool year. An elderly lady said to me, “Excuse me. It’s just so odd to see someone writing on paper and reading a book…especially someone in your age group!”
I laughed and said, “Yes, well, it’s a perfect opportunity to get these things done.” She was completely speechless. She finally said, “It’s like I stepped back in time.”
I didn’t realize it was that uncommon, but as I looked around and thought about it more, I’m not sure when the last time I saw a person reading a book and writing in a notebook in the waiting room was. But I got a whole lot of work done during that waiting time! People often ask me, “How do you have time to do all of that?” And I guess, it’s probably because I don’t have a smartphone!
What about you? What could you be doing with your time? Maybe you would have time to start a business. Perhaps if you invested that attention into your children, your relationship would be stronger. See what happens to your marriage if you both put your screens down in the evening!
Do these steps seem difficult? I will tell you that it’s more difficult to give something up, once you’ve gone down that road. It’s like any other unhealthy thing—if you never open the bag of chips, it’s easier than trying to have only five chips. If you never drink alcohol, it’s a lot easier than trying to recover from alcoholism.
Final Thoughts on Reducing and Managing Screen Time
So, this might be difficult. But I believe that there is a promise of a better quality of life if you cut back on technology and manage your screen time. After all, it opens up more time to be relational—and you were designed for that!
RElated: Benefits of Limiting Screen Time for Kids
