It was 9:00 PM. I’d had a long, full, exhausting day. My children spent the weekend away and because I had to take my oldest son to an appointment that the other kids couldn’t come to, they just came home from my parents’ house last evening. I hadn’t seen my kids in four days, so of course, I imagined a great dinner filled with chatter about all the fun they had on their weekend away with their cousins, followed by some great family fun. Except, the things in my head rarely actually happen! Instead, I was left staring at my computer screen wondering what to do about mom guilt.
What is the deal with mom guilt? Whenever I ask moms what their biggest parenting issues are, they always bring up mom guilt! Mom guilt is legit. I still don’t understand it!
My children acted like banshees last night at bedtime. They were all overly tired, so it was an early bedtime for everyone. My husband had hardly finished tucking in our girls and praying with our boys before the bickering ensued. I had just sat down, completely exhausted with hours of work still to do. In the interest of being real…okay…I lazy-parented. I yelled up the stairs to “Be quiet and go to sleep now!” My sons kept on until I said, “Figure it out now or you will spend tomorrow doing extra chores.” Of course. They kept on until they earned themselves a chore day.
I didn’t lose my temper…(this time) but I was very angry. It never fails that when they have been away, they come home tired, crabby, and like they’ve been raised by monkeys! And I, of course, get all their crap thrown at me!
The worst part is that after all that, I’m the one feeling guilty! Why do I feel guilty about this? They’re CLEARLY not bothered by the fact that they made me angry or that I’m sitting up wondering what to do about this! They went right to sleep!
So, Moms! It’s time to cut through the mom guilt! It’s time to take that guilt captive, sort through what is legitimate and what is not, and live freely!
5 Steps to Ditching That Mom Guilt!
- Let Their Sin Be On Them!–
I realize that mom guilt comes in all shapes and sizes and from many different causes. In this case, I felt guilty because I didn’t see my kids for four days and I ended up angry with them when they went to sleep. I hate that. But in this case, that was on them! Every single one of my children had something to do with the conflict! Sure, a couple of them had less to do with it and there was one main instigator, but they all had sin that contributed to the problem, and in the end, my sons completely disregarded what I told them to do. That’s on them! I need to leave that there and not take that on myself.
- Identify Your Stress—
In all fairness, I know that my patience level was low. I was in the car all day and have a birthday party for my daughter tomorrow. I had a lot to do when I got home, but instead of doing it, unexpected needs arose and I ended up back in the car again! Ugh! I felt stressed thinking of the never-ending list of things that needed to get done and the very low number of hours I had to get those things done. Maybe without all of that, plus exhaustion, weighing on me, I would have been more patient with the whole situation. BUT, that still doesn’t make this my fault!
- Take Responsibility for Your Sin—
More often than not, I have sin in the situation too. Last night, I didn’t lose my temper with my kids, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened! And what did happen was that during the middle of all of it, my mom called! And of course, they had JUST come home from her house, so it was pretty easy to be a little snappy with her. Not okay. Because just as their actions weren’t my fault…they weren’t her fault either.
So, I needed to apologize, in this situation, to my mom for being snappy and cranky when her only offense was…caring! Yeah. Botched that one.
- Don’t Dwell on It!—
Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could forgive yourself as quickly as you forgive your children? We need to do that because guess what…they forgive us quickly too! There’s a reason God created young children with short memories! And we have a lot to learn from them. It amazes me how quickly I forgive my children—to the point that they didn’t even ask forgiveness and I felt like I was being too hard on them when I was enforcing their discipline this morning! Yeah. I need to GET OVER THAT!
Kids don’t dwell on any of these things. We need to learn a lesson from that!
- Turn It Into Gold –
I have one tender-hearted daughter who got up early this morning and said, “Mom? I just need some time with you by myself. I missed you so much!” My list from last night was still hanging over my head because I finally just gave up and went to bed. I had even more to do this morning, but what kind of hypocrite would I be, saying things like, “Your kids aren’t taking you from more important work” if I didn’t actually live it?
The struggle is real, but I soaked up that time with my daughter. I turned that guilt from last night into gold and guess what! I needed that time with her as much as she did, if not more. We snuggled; we played; we giggled like crazy and we both got to start our day with a full cup!
I know this hardly scratches the surface on dealing with mom guilt, but dealing with this and shaking it for good takes more than just one post! In the meantime, take those baby steps to shake that guilt and turn it into gold!
RElated: Encouragement for Moms
