This is the heart of this blog. The mental health and wellness of mothers everywhere is the very reason I wanted to write because taking care of your mental health might be the most important thing you can do! I know I’ve said this before, but I want to say it again. I have watched moms immerse themselves into everything they can think of: pyramid scheme businesses, volunteer work, parent-teacher organizations, book clubs, entertaining, ministries, full-time careers, part-time gigs, fitness, etc. in order to feel a sense of purpose.
There is nothing wrong with participating in any of these things, but so often, moms are doing these things to find their worth. If she can make it to the top of the sales board selling FitSticks, maybe someone will recognize her for her hard work. Maybe if she can climb the corporate ladder, that promotion will give her a sense of value. Perhaps if she can run circles in the church, running VBS programs, Sunday school, and coordinating all sorts of other programs, someone will say something like, “I’m not sure what we would do without you!”
Because we do a completely thankless job. With very few people affirming our efforts, and most often, our children letting us know how bad we are at what we do (especially teenagers!), life can feel empty quickly.
And then, a popular response is to take to social media! Posting selfies, pictures of their children, and of course, what they’re having for dinner, all for the sake of a few “Oh, you’re so amazing” comments is the new plea for approval from moms everywhere! And yet, when I speak to many of these moms in person, I realize that they are…incredibly insecure.
And social media exacerbates that. It encourages moms to be fake. And when someone else is browsing through your Pinterest-y life on display (by the way, putting your whole life out there for anyone and everyone to browse through at their leisure is not exactly a healthy thing to do!), that mom feels less than. This causes insecurity.
Also, once you put your fake life on display, it’s hard to ever break free from it to be real. These moms live with the constant fear of, “What if all my followers find out who I really am?” This causes insecurity.
Comments from others only feeds a need for approval. When someone comments, “You’re such a good cook!” because you posted pictures of your pork chops for dinner, it feeds the need to keep impressing and receiving those comments. What happens when no one likes or hearts your picture? This causes insecurity.
So, how on Earth can we move past that need for approval and start taking care of our mental health? First, by recognizing that the majority of social media compliments are just as fake as what most people post. Ditch the comparison chart and recognize that you are the absolute best mom for your kids! Maybe you’re not the world’s best mom—you don’t need to be! You need to be your kids’ best mom…and you are!
God chose you…no one else…for this job! In fact, He knew you would be so good at it that not only did He choose you for it, He equipped you for it! He created YOU—only YOU—for such a time as this! Your kids need you!
Facebook friends can’t do this job! Your mom can’t do this job! The Valedictorian of your high school class can’t do this job!
So, rise up, Mom! You don’t need to throw yourself head-first into everything else in order to find your worth! God found you to be so valuable, that He trusted You with His most precious creations! You don’t need other people to look at your life with jealousy in their hearts. Your worth is immeasurable!
Have you ever, in your lifetime, been to a funeral of a mother, at which all of her children talked about how much money she made? Or how many fabulous trips she took her children on? How about how much junk they owned? I haven’t! But I have been to funerals at which children reflected on how valuable their mom’s work was and what a big impact it made on their lives.
You were born for this! You don’t need the approval of others. Look to your Audience of One—are you doing what the Lord designed you to do? Then, stop worrying about what anyone else thinks—including your children. After all, if they don’t like you once in a while, you’re probably doing things right!
RElated: The Importance of Parenting