You maybe realized from my post on Saturday morning that I have been a mom under pressure because of the current pandemic our nation is facing. My husband and I both have had a reduction in our work hours. Thankful to still be working, but trying desperately to make up for some of the lost wages, I have been working early mornings and late nights at one of my part-time teaching gigs. This is the one job that drains me physically and mentally. I do not enjoy it, but I am so grateful for it because it’s helping us to stay afloat in uncertain financial times.
Meanwhile, I’m also trying desperately to make this time of forced togetherness fun and memorable! When my kids look back on these months, I want them to be able to say, “My mom made it so much fun!” I want our family to come out of this stronger and more bonded than we were before and I want to be the best mom I can possibly be during this time of stress and difficulty. I want to create a shelter for my children from the storm of media that is ravaging this country with fear and frazzling nerves everywhere.
And on top of that, there’s the responsibility of finding the balance between staying sensible when others in your life are either at one end of the fear spectrum, or the other. It’s difficult to find the balance when ultimatums are given; broad mandates are thrown around like candy at a parade; and keeping the entire well-being of my family—not just the physical, but the mental well-being too—is nearly impossible to do without angering someone. It’s exhausting. And this mom was about to buckle under the pressure of it all!
So, I had to take the pressure off. I couldn’t worry about getting my 30-day challenge posts done this weekend because I know that the first thing I need to do is to take care of myself. For five long years, I have fought to regain my health. I can’t lose the ground I’ve made because I refuse to stop and rest.
It occurred to me that many of you are probably feeling the same way. Mom, are you feeling the pressure from ALL SIDES right now? Is the 30-day Be A Better Mom Challenge adding to that?
If you answered “yes” to both questions, then I want you to STOP and hear me! Here are your five things that you need to do in the next day or two:
Five Ways to Release the Mom Pressure
- REpeat after me, “I am a great mom!”—I don’t know you personally, but I can make the educated guess that if you’re here, looking for ways to improve as a mom, then you’re probably already a great mom! Great moms are the ones who are humble enough to know there is room for improvement, and strong enough to work at improving. That sounds like you!
PLEASE, PLEASE HEAR ME! Great moms are not perfect moms! Remember, you will not find perfection here nor will you find striving to achieve perfection. I’ve already been down that road. I spent too many years striving for perfection. I gained unhappiness, discontent, and chronic illness. That is NOT what I want for you! I am not perfect. I will never be perfect. And that is a GOOD thing! Why? Because my imperfections remind me of my need for Christ. I can be grateful every day that “Calvary Covers it All.”
- REflect—Write down every single thing that you do well as a mom! Start with the basics—are your children clean, dressed, fed? Are they learning? Well-rested? Are they loved? Look at all of those boxes you are ticking off! What else do you do well? Have you added a couple of fun activities into your weeks? Do you pray with your kids? Are they hugged and kissed? Have you read a story to them? In your list, include every little thing you do!
So often, no one notices the little things we do for our family. It is easy to forget them. Do you know what? We can’t expect our family members to notice all of these little things when we don’t even notice those things ourselves! Write every.single.thing that makes you a good mom down!
- RElax–Be confident! You’re doing this! You’ve got this! Stop for one moment to think about this: God designed you to be the mom those beautiful children need! God chose you. It’s not like a “last to be picked in gym class” kind of chosen. The Creator of the Universe created you with the needs of those kids in mind. If God thought someone else could do better with them, He would have given your children to her! He didn’t. God created you for this position. He didn’t create the position for you.
Listen up! This is important! DO NOT compare yourself to other moms. Comparing yourself to another mom only keeps you living under pressure. She does not have your life. Or your kids. She does not have your bank account, your husband, or your health. Other moms don’t have your house, your gifting, your talents or your personality. God did not create other moms to do your job. When you compare your life to another’s, you rarely compare the entire thing. That’s not how it works! If you compare, you have to compare the ENTIRE life, not just the bits and pieces you want to look at.
- REst—I had to rest this weekend. And I knew that before I knew that I was going to have a mini-flood in the entire basement! By Friday night, I was mentally and emotionally exhausted; trying to be all things to all people. Saturday, I had big plans for fun Easter activities to do with the kids. My husband had activities planned (don’t worry! Still following our social distancing and stay-at-home guidelines)—and I rolled out salt dough eggs to decorate, since we can’t get eggs right now. (It’s as if the chickens have been scared eggless because of Coronavirus!)
Saturday afternoon, I went to the basement to grab a few craft supplies, only to find that the entire floor was wet! Our sump pump apparently decided it was overworked and underpaid and went on strike. The most frustrating part was that two of my children had been down there playing. I said, “Oh no. The floor is wet!” My daughter replied, “Oh, yeah, I’ve been stepping in water all day.”
ALL DAY?!? And NO ONE thought, “Hey, maybe we should mention this to Mom?” In their defense, they answered, “We thought you were already taking care of it.” (And there was a fan running down there). It was incredibly frustrating. Truly, I was angry at the situation, not the kids. But in a real-mom-moment, I displaced the frustration.
Consequently, Saturday night looked a little different than we thought. Our kids were grumpy. I was grumpy. And the fun family night that I had planned didn’t happen. Instead, we read the Resurrection story from the Bible and everyone went to bed early.
Thankfully, we woke up well-rested and were able to enjoy Easter. Rest is so very necessary for everyone right now! (Here are some other helpful self-care tips!)
- REmember—Easter is all about grace! It is about God’s grace for us—that He loved us so much that He would give His own Son (God in human form) to die on the cross for our sin. There is no greater grace than that!
Why is it that we can have grace for our children all day every day, but we do not have grace for ourselves? There is a big difference between cutting yourself some slack and accepting sin. Don’t accept sin, but when things are new and there’s not exactly a handbook for what you’re going through (like “Surviving Nation-Wide Grounding for Dummies”), you have to have grace for yourself! You’re going to make mistakes along the way! God’s grace covers it—shouldn’t yours?
Please work through this 30-Day Challenge at a pace you can handle! What is realistic for you? If you need to survive right now, believe me! There’s a time and a place for that! Come back to it when you can! Do not let it add to any pressure you’re already under, Mom!
In the meantime, rest up! We don’t know how much longer we’ll be doing this! You have to prepare for this like it’s the SuperBowl! If you were the star quarterback, you would be hydrating, resting, focusing, strategizing, and being coachable. Your little cheering squad is a thousand times more important! Release the pressure, and press on!