I have two sons and two daughters, in that order. We love the books Raising a Modern-Day Knight, by Robert Lewis. My husband and I have worked very hard to implement ceremonies for our sons to encourage them to become men of God as they grow. We do similar ceremonies for our daughters as well, but of course, they look a little different. We are not encouraging them to grow into strong, godly men, but instead, strong, godly women—and if you’ve read the Bible at all, you know those two things look different! In either case, it is beneficial to plan a growing up talk or ceremony with your daughter or son to mark different stages of their development.
Don’t get me wrong! I know plenty of people who have been raised by godly parents who didn’t plan “growing up” ceremonies for their kids and their kids have turned out great. It’s not a magic bullet. But if you read the book, you will gain a better understanding of the importance that ceremonies can play in a child’s development. Think about it. Even as a society we organize ceremonies at certain points and consider various milestones “important” to development; Kindergarten graduation; high-school graduation; college graduation; weddings; etc. These are important!
The next milestone on my plate is to plan a “growing up” talk and getaway with my daughter. These are the five things I plan to do to make a memorable ceremony, for her tenth birthday.
5 Steps to Planning a Memorable “Growing Up” Ceremony:
- Step Out of Your Comfort Zone—
Maybe talking about puberty and the changes to come for your child is uncomfortable. I mean, it just is to some degree. But Moms, we have to do this! My friend recalled reading the package instructions for how to use a pad because her mom told her NOTHING! We cannot do that to our girls so put on a brave face, or fake it ‘til you make it, and get out of that comfort zone. No, it’s not easy. Yes, it is necessary!
- Make It Positive—
This is a big deal! While all the things that go along with puberty are miserable, this is what gives us the possibility of having children one day! Focus on God’s design for our bodies, and what He has made our bodies capable of doing. Present the information in such a way that makes her excited to grow up because it’s all part of God’s plan!
- Make It Fun—
Take your daughter on a fun “girls getaway” for her “growing up” trip. If she has younger sisters, this is a special time of becoming a young lady. If she has older sisters, she can become part of the “club.” Get a manicure or pedicure together; see a movie; take her shopping to pick out a few things. If your daughter is not into frills, take her to a sporting event; mini-golfing; or to play paint ball! Choose something your daughter will love, whether or not you would love it, and have fun with it!
- Make It Comfortable—
You want your daughter to be able to come to you with questions and any issues or questions about puberty or growing up that she might have. The only way she will ever do this is if she feels comfortable asking! Some kids will just be more comfortable than others. I was completely uncomfortable discussing anything with my mom…or anyone. It wouldn’t have mattered how comfortable my mom was discussing it! But it is almost 100% guaranteed that if you seem uncomfortable discussing the subject, your daughter will be too.
Stay calm and any time your daughter has a question, be willing to give a straight answer.
- Make It Easy—
Show your daughter how to be prepared. You can get the products she might need and put them in a small zipper pouch like a cute make-up bag. Make sure you have products made for young girls on hand for when it happens. Also, if you haven’t yet, you can go shopping for her first bra; choose a deodorant she likes the smell of; and maybe a new facewash she might need if she’s starting to break out with acne.
As a side note, we also make our children’s tenth birthdays special by associating a privilege with it. In our state, youth can begin hunting when they are ten, so that is one of the privileges associated for our sons. At the same time, we set the age for our daughters to get their ears pierced at ten (though, they may also go hunting, of course!) This way, their tenth birthday is associated with the “growing up” talk, but it’s also associated with a “growing up” privilege.
I cannot tell you how important it is to assure your daughter all through puberty of how beautiful she is! Approach sensitive topics like acne incredibly gently. Even saying something like, “I got you this medicine for your acne” can be so damaging! You might be thinking, “What in the world is wrong with that?!” But most girls, though some are more sensitive than others, want to believe that their acne is not as noticeable as they think it is. When you say that, you make it obvious that the acne is noticeable.
Instead, you can just try leaving it on the counter, or slip it in her make-up bag without saying anything. Again, not all girls will be sensitive about it, but you never know until you’ve hurt someone!
Growing up is going to happen whether we celebrate it or not! It’s important to approach it in a positive way, in order to help our daughters to be body-positive. Keep it private (this does not need to involve the guys in the household at all!), but make sure you find ways to make your little beauty feels special, beautiful, and loved as you plan your growing up talk with your daughter!
RElated: The Importance of Celebration
