Warning: You are about to read a bit of a rant! If you want to skip down to the list, feel free, but if you want to do some major head-nodding and mmmm-hming with me, keep reading!
I absolutely hate how much people share about their children on social media! Seriously, what needs to happen to your child before you will stop sharing and start to protect your kids online?
Whenever I see people documenting every second of their children’s lives and posting it for the world to see, I do not just cringe…honestly, it’s pretty upsetting. Our children are living in the most over-documented time in history–and they don’t even get a choice!
And that is just not okay.
And that doesn’t even scratch the surface of the Narcissistic children we’re raising! An acquaintance of mine told me once, “My daughter says, ‘Mom! Put this on your social!’ and she doesn’t have to tell me twice!”
Oh. girl. First of all, there are so many things wrong with that sentence, beginning with the fact that your daughter is telling you what to do. And unfortunately, I know the family well enough to know that those kids are in real need of attention and it seems, at least, that the only way they get it is when their mom is staging a picture for her social media feeds.
This breaks my heart.
Now, I know that you might be thinking, Is it so wrong to be proud of my kids?! And the answer is, “Of course not!” No. It’s not wrong to be proud of your kids. But are you actually sharing your kids on social media for their sake? Or is it for yours?
If you are using your children to get attention, it’s gross. That’s not what parenting is for. And I’m sorry if that comes across too harsh, but this is not something on which I care to mince words.
I’m going to need you to dig deep here and fight back against the false narrative that you’re only worth the number of likes and followers that you have. That is completely ridiculous. You are worth so much more than that!
But even more dangerous than raising a Narcissist are the scarier dangers of how pedophiles and human traffickers are using YOUR social media to find and groom their victims. Do you want it to be your children?! You need to start protecting your kids online!
Five Best Ways to Protect Your Children Online
- Don’t Share!
Seriously, I cannot possibly state this enough. STOP SHARING your children with the world and every pervert in it on social media!
Human traffickers use social media CONSTANTLY to identify their next victims. They often choose children who have single moms, or have some other type of abandonment issue, such as being adopted. These are facts that are unbelievably easy to find on social media–whether you’re “friends” or not!
I don’t have a Facebook account and I can see ALL KINDS OF THINGS my friends have posted! (No, I’m typically not a creeper, but I have done it to prove a point!) I have no background in technology, but have no problem finding out all kinds of things about people if I try.
Someone who is creeping your profile, seeing your children, knowing where those children attend school and what activities they are in, can easily tell them some lie like, “Oh, you don’t remember me, but I’m your mom’s uncle _____. Remember, I came to see you play your hockey game a couple of weeks ago. The one where you scored three goals. That was great…” etc. Pretty soon, this person has proven that he knows enough about your child that your child no longer considers him a stranger.
And if you think it’s just dirty old men coming after your children, think again! One of the major ways that human traffickers use women is to groom other women and children!
Seriously–why are you giving the world a front-row view to your life’s production for FREE?!? Are you and your family not worth more than that?!?
- Don’t Allow Others to Share!
It’s absolutely okay to ask others not to share your children on social media! It is actually illegal for them to be sharing your children’s faces on social media without your consent in the first place.
Yes. I’m the one who does not check the consent box to sharing my children on social media at church activities; school activities; 4-H; all of it. I specifically ask for my children to not be included on any types of Internet advertising.
And guess what. NONE of those organizations has ever given me a hard time about it!
In general, people are respectful if you communicate with them. In fact, I have had some friends who have done the same now that they know they can.
And if someone does share, most of them will just kindly take it down if you ask them to.
Some will not. Unfortunately for us, we have had people in our lives who refuse to take down the pictures of our children!
At that point, you need to know your options.
You can either ignore it and let it go–because one picture on someone else’s page is probably not going to be the end of the world when there are others out there giving predators far more information to work with.
Or, you can say, “Okay, I asked you nicely and you disrespected me and my children. That’s not going to work for me.” And then you can report images to the social media platform, explain that these are your children and that you have asked the person to take the photos off, but they have refused, and then the social media company will remove the photos for you.
Because IT IS ILLEGAL to post pictures of someone else’s child without their consent!
Please think about that the next time you decided to post a group shot from your child’s dance recital! It might not matter to you, but to someone else, it might be incredibly disrespectful.
Make no apologies about protecting your children. None. Posting pictures without consent is illegal. Protecting your children is not. So, who should be apologizing?!
- Consider Your Child’s Future Feelings–
One time, in high school, I went to my good friend’s house because I needed help with calculus and he was the only one who had the patience to help me with it! I frequently went there, with another one of my friends, for help. One day, we all met at his house, and his mom brought out his BABY PICTURES!
Seriously. He was mortified and honestly, I was probably nearly as uncomfortable as he was. We were seventeen! No. Do not do that to your seventeen-year-old child!
But if you think that’s bad, what about sharing your child’s baby pictures with the WORLD?! Would you like to be treated that way?
Do you understand how simple you are making it for bullies? You don’t think they can access those pictures? You are probably social media friends with their moms! Have you seen how advanced photo editing software is?
How horrible for your children!
Please consider the fact that once it’s on social media, it has been and can be accessed, downloaded, and saved by anyone! So, yes, your child is adorable, but she’s going to be a teenager one day. You need to do all that you can to protect her!
- Trust No one–
When I talk about staying off social media, I hear people say all the time, “Well, it’s a good way for me to stay in touch with family I don’t get to see a lot.”
Okay. But is it really so hard to send a group email (Yes! It’s still a thing!) with a cute picture of your child if you really want your family to see him or her?
Most often, one printed off picture sent to your dear old granny in the mail is worth 10,000 pictures she has to go on social media to see.
How much do you actually care about keeping in touch with your family? How much do they actually care about you?
A quick way to find out is to stop making things so easy. Those who put the work into having a relationship with you and your kids are the ones worth having in your life. They are usually the ones who can be trusted.
And those same people, who tell me that the reason they share so much on social media is just for their long-lost relatives’ sakes, have 1000 friends. You do know that the definition of “friend” is not “every random person you’ve ever met in your years on this Earth,” right?
Why are you trusting these people with your most precious memories? Why are you trusting them with your most precious gifts–your children?
If I wouldn’t put my child into someone’s car and send them to their house for a day, I wouldn’t share my child’s stories and photos with them either.
I dare you to use that rule to purge your social media “friends!” (But remember, creepers can access everything you put on your page anyway.)
- Teach Your Children They are Worth More than Fake Likes and Upvotes–
My oldest son asked me if he could get Instagram a few years ago. Before I immediately said, “No,” I asked him why he wanted it. He replied, “Well, it just seems fun. I guess you take pictures and then see how many likes and comments you can get. [His friend who shall remain nameless] did it and he even got a celebrity who commented on his picture!”
So I replied, “And does that make [friend’s name] worth more to you?”
“What? No. What do you mean?”
I said, “Well, I don’t understand why it would be important for other people to like his picture. If he liked his picture, then why does it matter what someone else would think?”
He thought about it and of course, knew where this was headed. We had a really good discussion about what happens when you take a picture that you really like, but no one else gives it any likes or comments; how that affects the self-worth of so many in this world (and not only teenagers!); and how easy it would be for gross people to make mean comments.
He basically came to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth his time on his own. And the point was really driven home when he found out a few months later that his friend was grounded because his parents found out he was making mean comments on other people’s posts. It showed him how easy it is to turn into a crummy person on social media!
It’s okay to say, “No” to social media! A 15-year-old trafficking victim sued Facebook in 2019 for allowing contact between her and a man who groomed her and then trafficked her. The relationship started when she was 12 years old. While I do believe that Facebook has some responsibility in this, I do have to wonder what a 12-year-old girl was doing on Facebook in the first place.
And I’m guessing that her parents, if they could do things over, would have protected her in the first place by saying she couldn’t be on social media. I don’t mean to shame them, or anything of the sort, but instead, for us all to learn from that mistake.
Children don’t need to be on social media–and I know this might be news to you, but adults don’t either!
None of my children is on social media…and not only are they still alive, but they are thriving! I want my children to know that they do not need to seek the world’s approval. They play to an audience of One. I want them to know that they do not need their peers to approve. They do not need to hang their worth on how many likes and comments or shares they receive. These are vanity metrics!
As a nation, it’s time to step up to the plate and raise some world-changers! How will they change the world if the world gives them their worth?
Look at history–those who the Lord has used in big ways are those who were willing to go against the grain; those who were willing to stand alone in solidarity with the God of the Universe; and those who couldn’t have cared less about what other people thought.
We are not going to raise those children if we are constantly worried about what other people think of us, or them!
Final Thoughts on Protecting Your Children Online
Most people think “It won’t happen to me.” Why? Why does it happen to someone else? What makes you so elite that nothing bad will happen to you?
If you have made these mistakes, it’s not too late. You can rectify them! If you have overshared, stop now! Go back and delete what you can. It’s still out there, but when there are millions of people making their children easily accessible, most predators aren’t going to work that hard to get yours.
If you have gotten caught up in the world of likes and upvotes, it’s not too late! You can stop seeking approval from the world and teach your kids to do the same.
This world is darker than ever. Please don’t wait until something bad happens to start protecting your children online!
