If you want to know the easiest way to save $50,000+ over four years, it’s simple: don’t pay for your child’s college education. I know that is not the popular choice anymore. In fact, some people believe there should be a legal obligation for parents to pay for their children’s college education. But there are still a few of us who believe in making it on our own, without every handout in the book, and expecting our children to do the same. This is one of the many reasons I’m not paying for my kids’ college!
A friend of mine recently told me that she felt horrible that her oldest daughter was going off to college without a cent from her parents. She broke down as she told me that one of her children’s medical bills has just about sunk their financial ship and the guilt she felt for not being able to pay for her other children’s college tuition was raging.
And then I said, “Plenty of kids don’t have parents paying their way and they’re usually more successful. I have no plans to pay for my children’s college education!”
She breathed a sigh of relief and replied, “Oh, you have no idea how good it is to hear that! I think I actually believed for a moment that my daughter was the ONLY one having to pay for herself.”
Guess what. I have absolutely ZERO guilt about it too. You can try to make me feel badly, but it just won’t happen.
Wanna know why? Because my parents didn’t pay for my college education. And I also wasn’t gainfully employed after college. My husband and I have lived on one full-time and at times, less than full-time income for all of our married life!
I chose to stay at home with my children because it was more important to me than having money.
And I wouldn’t change any of it!
Would it be nice to not be saddled with student loan debt after college? Absolutely! But not at the expense of my pride. If my parents had paid my way, I wouldn’t have been able to say that we have made it on our own! Had they paid my way, people would have said, “Well, she can afford to stay at home because she doesn’t have college loans” and whatever other comments they might have made in order to undercut me. (For real though, why are people so mean?)
At one point in time, we were making $28,000 a year with two children in our home. And the Lord provided and was generous and compassionate to us.
You see, I’ve been there. I’ve been where every person who expects someone else to pay for their college has been. And I wouldn’t want it any other way, nor do I want to save my children from going through it.
It was good for us to be financially uncomfortable because it reminded us of who our Provider is. And it is also good to be able to say that we managed through that and can still say that we’ve worked hard for everything we have. But no one got us there, except God!
Friend, stop worrying about paying for your child’s college–especially if you’re just trying to make the ends meet. Your child will survive! Here are five reasons I have no guilt about not paying for my kids’ college education.
5 Reasons I’m Not Paying for My Kid’s College
- We delay adulthood to the point of ludicrousy in America!–
Seriously. There are so many other cultures in which men become men once they hit their teen years. And here we are in the good ole’ USA paying for our kids’ health insurance until the age of TWENTY-SIX!! What?! By the time I was 26, I was married with my third child on the way!
We not only don’t expect our children to grow up, but we don’t even allow them to grow up! This is not doing anyone any favors. This may be partially responsible for the absolute craziness that is happening in this world.
Expect your child to grow up! Adulting 101 should not be a necessary class in college because parents ought to be teaching it at home. It’s not really that hard–get up, get some real pants on (leggings, yoga pants, and joggers do not count!), and get yourself to work or class. If you have $5 don’t spend $5.01. Take regular showers, wash your clothes, and pay your bills. Oh, and if you want a college education, you’ll have to work for it!
This is not rocket science, people! Oh, and contrary to popular belief, expecting your children to GROW UP is not going to cause psychological damage; however, not allowing them to grow up might!
- I’m not eating hot dogs so you can eat steak!–
I love my parents dearly for this one. My mom used to say this all the time to us when we asked for things that were out of the budget. And my parents know so many of their peers who couldn’t afford certain things because they were paying for their adult children’s student loans.
While their kids were off eating steak.
It is an absolute travesty how adult children treat their parents anymore! I don’t think I would be able to sleep knowing that my parents were sacrificing their own quality of life so that I could have everything I want.
Gross. If you have treated your parents this way, have some pride and make that right with them. It’s really disrespectful.
That also means you don’t have to allow your children to treat you this way. You get what you tolerate–with parenting, with life, with work–everything. We get what we tolerate. Don’t eat hotdogs so your kids can eat steak!
- Entitlement=gross.–
No one wants to raise an entitled brat. But seriously, how can we expect our children to be anything but self-absorbed when we are constantly making them the center of the Universe?
“What Honey? You want to take swimming lessons from an Olympic swimmer at the ripe old age of four? Hmmm…let me see if Grandpa and Grandma can lend us the money.” Because we wouldn’t want to have to tell our four-year-old, “No.”
When we bend over backwards, borrow money, or even just constantly spend money that’s there buying our children everything they ever ask for, the end result is entitlement…and it’s really gross.
You’re not doing your child any favors by giving in to every whim and heart’s desire. The earlier your children learn that the world does not revolve around them, the happier and more independent they’ll be!
- I’m not impressed with the “Silver Spoons”–
My husband currently works for a company run by a group of “Silver Spoons,” as my mom says. Right now, we see many children who never had to want for anything coming back to take over the family businesses.
And here’s what happens. These kids have never had to wait or want for anything, thus, they don’t necessarily know the first thing about working with a budget. Consequently, they also don’t have genuine compassion and sympathy for people who are simply trying to earn a decent living for their families.
Even the best of them can only offer empathy.
They don’t have to worry about their salaries being paid, and therefore, don’t think they have to maintain good customer relationships. I have watched my favorite hometown business go straight down the tubes because the new management doesn’t have to worry about the fact that without the customers, the business is nothing!
It’s sad to see. People who worked so hard to give their children everything they never had, eventually being disappointed, at best, and financially sunk, at worst!
- Kids who pay their own way, perform better–
Even Forbes Magazine states that if you want your kids to do well in college, don’t pay for it! Why? Because your adult child will act far more responsibly if he or she is paying for that $50,000 education! She will also be far less likely to choose a more expensive school based on looks, campus, or party life.
Something happens to kids when they are faced with writing out checks larger than any they have ever received. They grow up.
I remember trying to think back to sixth grade for how to write a check for my tuition. I also remember tearing up in the financial aid office when the officer said, “Well, your estimated family contribution makes you ineligible for a subsidized loan.”
And though I truly believe that part of financial aid needs MAJOR reform, it was a good reminder–that life is not fair. My parents weren’t contributing anything to my college expenses, nor should they have been expected to. But because someone else thought they should contribute, I couldn’t get the aid I needed.
While I was completing my student-teaching, I was teaching nearly 40 hours a week without pay, working part-time to help my husband, also a full-time student and nearly full-time employee pay the bills, pregnant and sicker than a dog, and I still managed to make the Dean’s List every semester while in college.
Meanwhile, a guy down the hall was partying his way through his third freshman year while his sweet little grandmother was footing the bill. It broke my heart that she thought so much of him…and shouldn’t have.
He wasn’t a man of integrity…or even decency! He was taking advantage of his grandmother who loved him enough to pay for college for him. And she got what she tolerated.
Final Thoughts on Paying for Your Child’s College–
Perhaps you, like me, enjoy being generous and the joy that comes with helping others, especially your children. That’s okay. No one is saying you can’t be generous or helpful to your grown children, but there are other ways to do this.
One way my mom is so generous to her children is by picking up clothing items here and there for her grandchildren. She is such a good shopper and gets the best deals! It brings her joy to score a bargain and have someone she can bless with it, and it really does help out a lot when some of those extras are gifted!
If you feel like you just can’t handle the guilt and must pay for your child’s education, then, at least don’t tell him! Maybe once he graduates, you could give him a lump sum to help get him on his feet and pay a good chunk on his loans. You’ll have helped him, and he will have worked like he was paying for all of it himself. And by that time, who knows? Maybe you’ll be enjoying steak so much, the guilt will be gone!
RElated: Five Revolutionary Tips to Save Money
