We have probably all heard about how men need respect and women need love in a marriage. I absolutely do not dispute that; however, I do think we need to go beyond that to see that women also desire to be respected. This is especially true for stay-at-home moms
How often are women competing with men to earn respect in the workplace? But do you know what we don’t often talk about? The lack of respect for stay-at-home moms. I absolutely bristle every time I hear a “success” story that starts off with, “She went from stay-at-home mom to earning thousands of dollars a month.” Seriously? It’s as if she were at the bottom of the barrel as a stay-at-home mom and now, look at how much better she is!
Ugh. Sure, there are many stories of moms who find ways to provide income for their families while staying at home. That’s great! That’s exactly what I’m doing, but do you know what my BIGGEST accomplishment in life will ever be? Raising my four children. They are worth more than any monthly salary; better than any incentive trip I could ever earn; and the only things I can take to Heaven with me are people. I hope and pray that my children are first in line with me.
Why is it that stay-at-home moms are not respected? I hear things like, “Teachers are responsible for the future of the world.” People respect teachers. “Those who work with at-risk youth are the unsung heroes changing the world.” “Nurses are overworked and underpaid.” We respect the people doing these jobs, (though it doesn’t always show up in the salaries).
And yet, you are your child’s first teacher. You consider your children “at-risk” forever! We are all at risk of making bad decisions! How many round-the-clock shifts have you taken as a nurse when your kids are sick? Half the time, the nurse is sick too! And yet, we still hear things like, “From stay-at-home-mom to ‘killing it’!”
Friend, I NEED YOU TO HEAR ME! What you are doing matters! It is the most respectable thing you can do, not only for your family, but for the future of our society! Sure, not every stay-at-home mom is killing it as a mom, but if you’re here, it’s most likely because you’re trying to be the best mom you can possibly be.
Multiple studies have shown that young children (pre-school age) with a stay-at-home parent typically develop in a more healthy way than their full-time childcare counterparts. (If you’re a mom working outside the home, this is not to offend! You just keep being the best mom you can be too!) Eric Bettinger illustrates, in a more recent study, the added benefits for elementary school-aged children who have a stay-at-home parent.
Obviously, not everyone’s situation allows for them to stay at home with their children. I get that! I am definitely not here to tell you how you should do things because I’m not walking in your shoes. If you have prayed about your decision and are doing what you truly feel is right for your family, I am in full support!
But my point is, we need to recognize the impact that staying at home has on our children—the future of this world—and we ought to be more respected for it! In fact, research shows that 60% of Americans believe that children are better off with a parent who stays home. Yet, only around 30% of American households actually have a stay-at-home parent. Of course, there are many reasons for this; but while some are not in the position to stay at home, most of those in a two-parent household in America could find a way. And even though, clearly, many people believe that it’s important, they are not willing to take that plunge.
Five Advantages Children With Stay-At-Home Parents Have:
- Studies show that children all the way through twelfth grade perform better in school when they have a stay-at-home parent. If you are schooling your children at home, those children typically score an average of 3 whole points better on the ACT than their publicly schooled counterparts! (That’s BIG!) But even if you’re not homeschooling, children in public schools with an at-home parent do better, on average, than those who do not have a parent at home.
- Another study shows that children who are in regular childcare are sick more often than those with stay-at-home parents. Obviously, children in a group are exposed to more germs and shared toys don’t get wiped off as often as they should. The same study showed that it mostly evens out once the kids enter elementary school (if they attend a public school). Remember, though, that being sick often during those early years can lead to more serious conditions, like asthma.
- This next one is BIG—children who have multiple caregivers tend to be more confused about bonding. Your baby’s brain is constantly developing. Any caregiving tasks like feeding, diapering, swaddling and rocking, help your baby form a bond with the person providing that care! If you only spend six weeks of your infant’s life performing these tasks, then send him to another, his brain may be confused about that bond. This doesn’t mean he won’t know you’re his mom—don’t worry! But he does build a bond with someone else too!
Then, if for some reason, he has to move to a different daycare, that process starts all over again. This is why children who start in orphanages often have a difficult time bonding once they are adopted. They form bonds with many different people. Thus, their adoptive moms are just added to the list and it doesn’t feel any different to them. This is not good for a baby’s development! Please be careful of how many different people are taking care of your baby regularly!
- Your child will be more secure—Researcher Edward Bishop said, “”There’s some interesting research being completed that shows that a stable, loving caregiver that’s with the baby more often than they’re not with their baby, imbues in the neonate a sense of security which can bat off restlessness and stress.” He says, “this early sense of love and security has long-term cognitive impact, preparing them for dynamic social interaction, as well as giving them a shield against negative self-thought.”
- No one can do it better than you! Of course, all of these studies and benefits are based on stay-at-home parents who are actually engaging with their children and caring for them. Sometimes, it’s not the best scenario if the at-home parent is struggling with mental health or is just not well-equipped to care for a child. But overall, no one can take care of your child with the kind of love and devotion that you have! This is also why they can be so infuriating at times! Because we love our children fiercely and we take our responsibility to them seriously. When you are caring for your child, it’s not a job or a paycheck, it’s out of love…and your baby can feel that!
So, do me a favor, Society, and stop saying things like, “I went from being a stay-at-home mom to …(whatever it may be)” because truthfully, that should sound like a step down! So many moms feel like what they do is worthless because this is how our society, including stay-at-home moms, are talking about themselves! Mom, ignore them! You are doing the MOST valuable, future-affecting work and I would love it if that could just be recognized for once!