Speak Highly of Your Kids (Without Being Annoying)

Okay, Moms! True confession: I am so fearful of sounding boastful about my “perfect” children that I rarely speak highly of my kids. Yes, that is a problem. Truthfully, I speak positively about them with those closest with me, but why on Earth am I more prone to sharing the negatives than the positives with strangers?! I know the answer…

Years ago, my marriage was hanging by a thread. We were not in a good place and I didn’t know if we would survive. My husband and I were married much younger than most of our peers. Therefore, most of our friends were either still dating, recently engaged, or recently married. We were past the newlywed stage and in the throes of parenting a colicky baby…not exactly the couple you want at your “couples night out” if you’re not in that stage of life.

Most social events were absolutely miserable for us. I remember one in particular. One couple had been married six months. They were glowing. Another couple was recently engaged, and the other couple was…”doing the mating dance.” I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a couple sit closer to each other than they did. I mean, my husband and I were on two entirely separate pieces of furniture; I was holding a sleeping baby; and they were practically making out on the couch. It was awkward for everyone around, but it cut especially deep for me. Seeing all these happy couples was almost unbearable for me; thus, I vowed never to cause that pain for someone else.

But there is a happy medium. There’s a big difference between speaking highly of your kids and gushing. And sometimes, never sharing the best parts of our kids with others not only damages our children, but it damages our own views of our children too.

Girl, you don’t have to rub it in someone else’s face if your kids are amazing; but sometimes, all it takes is someone else to speak highly of her kids to change another mom’s perspective of her own kids!

Five Ways to Speak Positively About Your Kids, Without Being that (annoying) Mom!

Time it Right—

For example, another mom says something like, “The ‘Terrible Twos’ are going to kill me. I know it! I just want to sit in my closet and cry.” Incidentally, these may or may not have been words actually uttered by yours truly. This is not the time to say, “Oh, we say, ‘Terrific Twos!’ My child is just blossoming so much and has become so much fun!” Sorry, but that makes a struggling mom want to stab you.

Just say “Thank you”—

One of my friends once pointed out how disagreeable people are. She told the story of her children waiting quietly while she got her things in a store. They got along well and were polite and a lady complimented them, saying, “Your children are so well-behaved.” My friend politely said, “Thank you.”

The same lady who complimented her quickly followed up, saying, “Well, don’t get used to it because it won’t always be that way!” My friend asked me, “Why are people so disagreeable?” What I took from it, though, was how graciously and politely my friend accepted a compliment! I am so guilty of making sure that if someone compliments my children, they know that my children aren’t perfect! Guess what! That person already knows that no child is perfect. Just say, “Thank you!”

Focus on your child’s personality traits, instead of accomplishments—

We’ve all read the Christmas letters that highlight all of Johnny’s big accomplishments. He’s the star of his class, he got first place in the spelling bee, and is learning Latin in third grade. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but seriously, no one cares! If you want to share something positive about your children, think of a story that outlines your child’s character. Is your child spunky? Show that in a positive light by telling a story about how she stood up for herself with a sibling. Is your child diligent? Tell a story about how hard he worked to earn money for something he wanted.

Be Real—

If you’re the mom who never talks about any issues happening in your home, and then you start talking about how amazing your children are, you’re neither going to encourage anyone nor fool anyone. Show me a perfect family and I’ll show you a bunch of liars. Here’s the thing that I hear sometimes, “Well, I only want to speak about the positive things.”

That’s commendable, but I need you to hear me…Issues are not necessarily NEGATIVE! You can speak genuinely about issues that come up within your home, but speak positively about them by how your kids worked through the issues, or what everyone learned from it.

Tell your child what you love about her–

Focus on things that she can control. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so smart!” You can say, “I love how hard you work to learn new things.” Your children need to hear all the things you love about them, because you and I both know that they hear plenty of the negatives!

In my mind, this is very similar to pairing truth with love. The truth about our kids is that they do wrong and they drive us absolutely mad sometimes, but we love them deeply and they give us good reason to do so. Let’s be real with each other and share both the truth and the love!