I have a teenager who struggles with authority. Surprise! Most teenagers struggle with authority, at least at some point in their lives; however, there’s a major trend in disrespect for authority even at the adult level that concerns me deeply. Regardless of your political stance, I think we can all agree that there is a complete and total lack of respect shown in this nation toward each other; toward leadership; toward authority; and toward parents. As parents, are we teaching our kids respect for authority? And once we have taught it, are we modeling it?
Years ago, at a church I attended previously, I observed a mother and her three-ish-year-old daughter standing in the back of the church. It was Palm Sunday. Our church did not have a separate area designated for fellowship, so we had tables in the back of the church with a palm branch in each vase on each table. The little girl climbed up onto the table, stood up, pulled the palm branch out of the vase and shredded it onto the table. After which, she ran to her mom and pointed at what she had done, though her mother was there watching the entire time. There was no scolding. There was no discipline. Her mom went and cleaned up the shredded palm branch, set the vase back up, and went to find her daughter who was likely terrorizing another room in the church.
Can you imagine our grandparents doing that in church?
Why on Earth do parents sit back and think that destruction of property is okay, if you’re three?
On the other hand, another gal I knew from that same church shared a story about her three-year-old daughter. When she saw the self-serve case of cookies at the grocery store, she sneaked one into her pocket, hoping her mother wouldn’t find out. When her mom found out, she hauled her daughter back to the grocery store to apologize and to pay for the cookie.
The little girl apologized to the manager of the store through tears and the manager said, “Oh, honey. It’s completely fine! Don’t feel bad. It’s okay.”
The little girl’s mom quickly replied, “Please don’t tell her it’s okay and not to feel badly that she stole something! In a decade, if she steals your car, will you say, ‘It’s okay. Don’t feel bad?’”
That mom had it right! She was teaching her kids respect for rules and respect for authority. Unfortunately, I find that too many parents are simply not up for the challenge of parenting. Hey! I can relate! I’m pretty sure I’m not up for it most of the time!
But I need to take responsibility for my own choices. I chose to be a parent. I wanted to have children and I chose this so I don’t get to blame someone else or turn back now. Like it or not, I have to finish this race and finish it strong!
And I don’t like it very much right now!
When you think about it, the challenges of parenting pretty much all boil down to exercising authority in our children’s lives. That is pretty much the only time there is conflict. Of course, if we do what’s easy and allow our children to constantly do what they want to do, we will live in a conflict-free zone.
But guess what! In real life, we all have authority! So, if we do not teach our children to respect authority now; they will not respect authority later…and that could very well be the reason we have the world we have. There are not enough parents teaching kids respect for authority!
Showing respect for authority doesn’t always mean compliance or agreement—and it is important to teach our children, especially our teenagers, that they can disagree and they can respectfully communicate their disagreement. I can and will write an entirely different post on that subject! (Check back this week!)
But why is respecting authority so important?
5 Reasons I’m Teaching My Kids Respect for Authority-
- My Faith Requires Respect for Authority—
Ultimately, our faith boils down to submitting to God’s authority. In Romans 14:11, the Bible tells us that every knee will bow and every tongue will acknowledge God.
As I talked with my son yesterday, I reminded him that we are given two choices in life: We either bow to the King now and receive the reward of Heaven; or we bow to the King later and receive the consequence of Hell. Either way, you’re still going to have to submit to authority!
In parenting our children, we have tried to do this as well. When our children are assigned a task, they either get it done right away, or they get it done later, but with consequences for their disobedience. Either way, the task will have to be done!
When we do not teach our children how to submit to authority, we are truly setting them up for eternity in Hell! Think about that for a moment! Think about how important it is—that is life and death importance!
Does that mean your children will always bow to authority if you teach them to? Nope. Does it mean that if you expect respect as your child’s authority, he will always show you respect? Nope. Does it mean that if you execute consequences for that lack of respect, your child will most certainly choose to serve the Lord? I WISH!
Of course, our children have free will and they still have to choose for themselves who they will serve. But remember the next part of that verse! “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15) That’s your part of the deal!
- There is Always Authority in Real-life—
There is authority in real-life whether we like it or not. EVERYBODY has a boss! People say all the time, “Be Your Own Boss!” Yep. Except that in order to be successful as a business owner, you must keep your clients happy. That sounds like authority to me!
Whether we like it or not, there will always be authority over us in some way—and that’s not even including God as our authority! There are laws of the land, banks that almost everyone is enslaved to in some way or other, and in our “great state,” a governor who has been riding the wave of “Peacetime Emergency Dictator” for approximately five months longer than he should have been! I won’t get started on that! The point is that no matter how you slice it or dice it, we all have authority in our lives.
- Selflessness—
Showing respect to authority, and to other people in general, requires us to put ourselves and our own wants aside. It forces us to realize that the world does not revolve around us! This is an attitude that is MISSING from our society! I mean, can I get an Amen?!
The narcissistic society in which we live has people live-streaming videos of themselves MAKING TEA!! Who in the world cares so much about seeing themselves that they MAKE TEA for an audience on social media?!
I’m not saying that teaching your kids to respect authority will automatically make them selfless and less Narcisstic, but it does have far-reaching effects. They do learn that they can’t just do whatever they feel like doing whenever they feel like doing it!
- Respectable—
Children who learn to show respect to authority typically grow up to be respectable people. When you show respect, you earn respect, plain and simple.
A couple of years ago, I coached my son’s basketball team. Most of the boys on that team were so respectful, but two of them were hot shots who didn’t have to respect anyone, most certainly not their parents, or their coach! They may have been the best players on the team in the area of skills, but I would have traded them in a heartbeat even if it meant losing every game! They were not respectful to me, their teammates, and not even to themselves. Consequently, the other players on the team had no respect for them…and neither did I! In fact, my own son disliked them so much, he quit playing after that season (which is really too bad now that he’s nearing six feet tall at thirteen years old).
- More Opportunity—
Y’all, I see shirts that say things like, “Well-behaved women are rarely remembered” all the time! It annoys me. It implies that my desire to be noticed and remembered are so great that I would give up my reputation as a respectable human being just for the sake of being noticed. Um…no. People who respect authority earn the respect of authority and that often creates opportunity. Respectable people have more opportunities in life, typically. And remember that respect doesn’t mean being a doormat. You can disagree with other people; you can disagree with authority; you can work hard to change the things that matter; all while being respectful!
Society wants to tell our children that in order to change the world, they have to disrespect authority. I completely disagree. Look at society right now. Tell me, what is more rare? A young man or woman who respects authority, or a young man or woman who disrespects authority? Truly, I like to think that there are still more young men and women respecting authority than not, but it’s always the squeaky wheels that get the grease, which is society’s and the media’s ways of convincing our children that they have to be rude, obnoxious, disrespectful, and many times, downright criminal, in order to be heard. And bad behavior will be excused because “we understand that you were just trying to be heard.”
That is a bunch of malarkey and we must dispel that myth quickly!
There is far more opportunity to make a difference in this world by showing respect to authority!
There is far more opportunity to make a difference in this world by showing respect to authority! Opportunities will present themselves because most people would far rather work with someone who shows respect, than not!
Final Thoughts on Teaching Your Children to Show Respect for Authority
Remember, you are your child’s first authority figure! How will your child learn to respect their teachers, caregivers, grandparents, police officers, and bosses if you don’t teach them to show respect to you?
You are doing your child ZERO favors if you are not teaching them to show respect to authority! Your child needs to hear the word, “No.” And your child needs to be expected to respect people and their property. These are basic expectations of decent human beings.
Of course, it’s not always comfortable and not always fun–welcome to parenting! But discipline is necessary. Rise to the challenge! You can do it!
RElated: 5 Must-Knows for Raising a Strong-Willed Child
AMEN!! I remember when my boys were teens some guy told them that respect shouldn’t be freely given, it had to be earned. BALONEY!!! I did my best to teach them respect and those teen years were tough, really really tough. And they were NOT always respectful, even of me 🙁 but I was consistent. Today, they are great men, dad, husbands, AND sons! It stuck in spite of those teen years.
With all the protests and rioting, you can see the difference. The protests are usually done with respect and are respected. Then you throw in the rioting and vandalizing…and there is no respect at all given. What angers me is that our mayors etc are afraid of offending them so they don’t nip it in the bud. As a parent, I want to go out there and tell those people to go home-they know better than to do those things, but I wonder if they do. They’re the kids like your palm shredder who isn’t disciplined. One of my former co-workers told me that she coudln’t control her 3 and 5 yr olds-they threw violent tantrums until they got their way. All I could tell her was that she needed to establish who the authority figure was or she’d have REAL trouble when they were teens.
I appreciate your heartfelt thoughts!