5 Things to Stop Saying to Homeschool Parents

And Solid Responses to Each of Them

As a homeschool mom for ten years, I have heard MANY a comment! Some are very supportive and others…well, really just quite odd! I choose to believe that people mean well, but just don’t realize how crummy they sound. (Been there! Done that too many times!) However, there are definitely some comments that are just plain rude that you should stop saying to homeschooled children or homeschool parents! Homeschool moms, I included a list of quick responses to just shut it down, as well!

Let me assure you, though, if you’re a new homeschooling mom, it does get better! You will likely receive some comments in the first years that you choose to homeschool, but a few years in, people are more likely to leave you and your choice alone. Also, thanks to COVID-19, more people are supportive of homeschooling THAN EVER BEFORE, so there’s a silver lining in that!

Okay, on with the show!

5 Stupid Things to Stop Saying to Homeschool Parents and Children

Aren’t You Worried About Their Social Skills?—

I partially addressed this before, but I will say it again. When, in real life, are we segmented into groups of only people our same age? Is that a real-world scenario AT ALL?! Typically, we are not segmented into groups based on our abilities either! If anything, we end up grouped by our interests—because often, that’s what we do as our professions. But even that is pretty weak.

In the real world, we simply are not organized into groups the way students are in public schools. If you think about it, really think about it, homeschooled kids are interacting with adults, often older and younger siblings, AND peers! (Yes, homeschooled children have friends!)

And here’s what really gets me! Frankly, I am FAR MORE CONCERNED about the social skills I am seeing these days in kids who attend public school! I recently watched four girls in a booth at a restaurant texting EACH OTHER! (And you and I both know this has been happening FOR YEARS!)

Yeah. Not super impressed with the social skills coming out of the public school.

But if you’re a homeschool mom, you probably don’t have time to get into all of that, nor do you owe them an explanation! Don’t bother getting into all the activities your kids participate in or the co-ops you plan to join. Instead, just be unapologetically you.

Here were some of my responses:

“I attended public school and my children are far more social than I am.”

“Nope. I just had ten kids over for a birthday party.”

And my personal favorite that works every time—“No.” (And that is all. Do not explain because you don’t have to!)

Are You Sure They’re Learning Enough?—

This is SUCH a rude thing to say! As if our public school system is constantly turning out geniuses who are saving the world and homeschooled kids sit around drooling in a cup!

Think about what you are saying. You are essentially telling a child’s teacher she is not doing her job when you say that to a homeschool mom.

Now, there’s a difference if you’re saying this from one homeschool mom to another, because these can be legitimate (But seriously unnecessary!) fears. But if you don’t homeschool and never have, please stop saying this to homeschool parents!

A solid shut-down response? “Yes.”

When you offer a confident, “Yes,” (seriously, even if you’re not sure, fake it ‘til you make it!) with no further explanation, your critic will usually not argue.

If, in response to your, “Yes,” your critic asks more, like, “Well, how can you be sure?” I usually say, “Because I believe I’m doing what the Lord wants me to do.” Or, a little bit lighter, “Because he’s being taught by a total genius!”

How Qualified Are You To Teach Them?—

Wow! This one gets me every time because this is absolutely none of anyone else’s business! If you are asking someone this, please stop!

First of all, I don’t get asked this a lot because I have a Master of Science in education. However, I don’t broadcast this and many people don’t know it. (I do this purposely because my college degrees are NOT what make me qualified to teach MY OWN CHILDREN!)

But assuming that a mom is unqualified to teach her children because she doesn’t have a degree in teaching is like saying she shouldn’t teach her children about Jesus because she’s not a pastor! Ridiculous.

Moms know their kids better than anyone else (at least good moms do!) They know how their child learns best, their interests, and how to motivate them. Moms are some of the smartest people in the world and they are their children’s first teachers. Yes, most moms can handle teaching past the pre-school years. It will be okay!

I have to tone down the response in my mind sometimes because I tend to want to serve up a side of snark! A to-the-point shut down is: “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was at a job interview!”

But it’s always better to be kind and confident, so you can just respond, “Highly qualified.” And leave it at that.

I Knew a Homeschooled Kid Who Committed Suicide.—

WHAT?!? I have heard this one as well as others like, “I knew a homeschooled kid who became an alcoholic.” Uh…okay!

I mean, do I really need to respond with, “I know thousands of public-schooled kids who are murderers, rapists, on drugs, etc.?” I’m not blaming the world’s problems on public-school teachers. Please don’t blame them on me either! Please think about what you’re saying and stop saying it to homeschool parents!

But, here’s a solid shut-that-down-now response: “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

Most of the time, it’s not worth trying to reason with someone who clearly doesn’t get it!

Don’t You Wish You Could Go to Public School?—

PLEASE, for the love of all that is decent, do NOT ask my kids, “Don’t you wish you could go to public school?”

This is a choice that I, as a parent have made in the best interest of my child. Parents have to make those choices all the time and sometimes, they are met with pushback from the child. My children get to have input in their education, even in choosing to homeschool, but in the end, it’s a choice that their parents have to make on their behalves for what is in their best interest.

That’s really like someone saying to your child, at lunchtime, “Don’t you wish you could eat candy instead of food?” Or, “Don’t you wish you didn’t have to take piano lessons?” “Don’t you wish you had a bigger house?” etc. Or, I could ask your children, “Don’t you wish you were homeschooled?” You might be surprised at how many kids would answer, “Yes!” in a heartbeat!”

As a homeschooling mom, what do you say to this?

You can be gentle, but firm, in saying, “That decision is between us and our children and it is ours to make.” Before you children even have a chance to answer. This keeps your kids out of what may seem like a lose-lose situation for them. They may be nervous to say, “no,” for fear of offending the questioner. And they may be nervous to say, “yes,” for fear of offending you. Of course, most homeschooled kids are confident enough to tell it like it is!

At several points, if you had asked my oldest son this question, he would have said, “YES!” But after having tried out the public school and seeing that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, he would now give a resounding, “NO!”

So, here’s the thing… the public school system is not serving our kids as well as we think it is, in most cases. That being said, I have no problem with people choosing to send their kids to public school! You know your child best! That decision is yours to make and absolutely none of my business! But that respect needs to go both ways, so if you’ve ever found yourself asking these questions, please understand how disrespectful you might come across and stop saying these things to homeschool parents!