I am, admittedly, struggling with some of the events happening in our country right now. And without getting too political, I’m just going to share a quick story with you. I heard an interview on the state’s public radio station of a mom whose children asked her, “Mom, why is there graffiti all over?” The mom replied, “Well, sometimes, that’s the only way to be heard.” Y’all, that is beyond permissive parenting. I guess you could call that, “progressive parenting.” If we all raise our children this way, we will be living in even MORE chaos and anarchy than we currently are! Instead, let’s recognize why our children need to hear the word, “no” and give them lots of practice accepting it!
I have a feeling that this woman would not appreciate having to clean up my child’s “attempt to be heard” off the side of her house, but that’s how progressive thinking works. “Do unto others whatever you want, as long as you don’t do it to me.” Basically, “I excuse any and all behaviors that don’t offend me personally, BUT, if you disagree or offend me personally, I will call you a racist, bigot, and whatever else I feel like calling you!”
And I really hate that they hijacked the term, “progressive.” This way, they can act condescendingly toward those of us moms still raising our children to respect other people’s property; as though we live in the Dark Ages or just can’t think for ourselves.
Okay, rant over and back to the matter at hand. Why is it so important that children hear the word, “No?” Well, for one, so they don’t stand over you while you’re sleeping, screaming in your ear, because, “It’s my way to be heard.”
5 Reasons Your Children Need to Hear the Word, “No”
- Your Child Needs to Know the World DOES NOT Revolve Around Him!—
You can’t make your child’s world revolve around him, and then wonder why he turns out self-centered and entitled. Hearing “No” is the first step for a child to understand that the world does not revolve around his happiness.
Then we need to take it one step further. We need our kids to realize that not only does the world not revolve around their happiness, but the world does not care about their happiness! Because people in the world who never hear the word, “No” are ONLY going to worry about their own happiness.
- “No” is a Part of Life—
Adults must accept the word, “No” too! We all have authority that we need to respect. If you raise a child who doesn’t hear the word, “No,” what happens when his authority—a college professor, a coach, or a police officer tells her, “No” for the first time?
Accepting that you can’t do anything or everything you wish to do when you wish to do it, at whatever expense to another person is part of being a human. It’s time to get over it!
- Children Do Not Have Adult Brains—
I hear parenting “experts” say, “Give children choices.” Seriously! Think of an adult brain. You know that overwhelm you feel when you walk into the toothbrush aisle? Now, imagine a child’s brain! A child does not reason the same way an adult does. Their brains were not made for that.
Our children become overwhelmed with choices all.the.time. It’s not just, “Would you like to have a juice box or milk?” It’s, “Would you like to have a mixed berry, kiwi, strawberry, grape, or apple juice box? Or, would you rather have chocolate milk, white milk, soy milk, almond milk, or coconut milk with your meal?”
And now, let’s add, “Would you like to get burned on the stove, or would you rather just not touch it at all?” For real? A child does not have the reasoning skills an adult has! JUST SAY, “NO!”
- Children Need to Learn to Handle Disappointment—
If a child never hears the word, “No,” how does she learn to handle the disappointment that comes with not always getting what we want? How will that child learn to move on and make the most of the situation? How will she ever build resilience?
When she goes for her first job interview and is told, “No,” will she have the courage to try again? If our children hear the word, “No,” from a young age, they will learn that it is used to teach. What can you learn from the experience of being told, “No?” That rejection won’t kill you. That you’re not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. That you need to work harder. That we don’t always get what we want. That life is not fair. And that disappointment doesn’t last forever…often, something better is waiting around the corner. These sound like life lessons I want my kids to know!
- Children Need to Respect the Word “No”—
This one is incredibly important in our household and maybe something you haven’t thought of, but we teach our sons that if their sisters say, “No,” or “Stop,” they better listen right away! If they’re spinning them, or throwing them up in the air, or playing too rough with them and the girl says, “Stop,” or “No,” that boy better stop! Why?
Because I want my daughters to know that they have the right to say, “No” and that ought to be respected. If a guy is dating my daughter and he wants to go further than she wants to, she ought to be able to say, “Stop!” or “No” and EXPECT it to stop!
It applies to my sons as well.
Maybe if more parents told their children, “No,” children would grow up respecting that word more. Perhaps if moms told their children that graffiti is NOT the way to make your voice heard, there would be less vandalism.
Yes, we can definitely overuse the word, but we don’t need to be afraid to say, “No” when it matters. It doesn’t have to be all “No” all the time! Say, “Yes” when you can and say, “No” when you need to! Those of us trying to navigate a world seemingly filled with self-centered, never-heard-the-word-no Narcissists will thank you for it!
RElated: Re-think Permissive Parenting
